Getting Ready for Christmas

Finally...I have a minute. And FINALLY I feel like we're getting ready for the big day. Some presents are bought. The kids are getting excited...I'm thinking of the family we will see. It's going to be a good day. And I'm looking forward to that.

How's everyone else doing?

Where Have I Been

I look over the blogs and it seems so surreal. Where have I been? It's like the world of teaching/motherhood just sucked me right in. I don't even know where I've been, what I've been doing or who you all are! So much has changed in all of your lives that it seems unfamiliar to me and almost as if I'm eavesdropping. Here it is almost Christmas and the year is almost over. I ask myself...what have I been doing? How would I catch you all up on ME? My life is much more boring than any of yours, but it is busy.

I guess I've been waking up at 6:30 since the time change. It was 7:20 before that, so it has been a HUGE adjustment for me. I'm still not there. But my little rooster wakes me every morning.

I nurse my little baby and look at her face, remembering soon she'll be 13. I wonder what she'll be like. I then wrastle everyone else out of bed to get showered and dress. We eat. I go for a walk with a friend, do my exercises, stay in my workout clothes almost all day. But while I am away, we start school immediately. I cram as much information and activities as I can in one day. We used to run errands but I had to stop that. Now I do that on the weekends only if I can help it. We have lunch and continue our cramming. And I juggle the baby and housework and chores getting done, trying to find a little free time for everybody. Sometimes a moment strikes me that everyone is busy and the baby is sleeping. And though I should make the bed or something, rather I lie in it for one or two minutes reveling in the mystery of that two minutes.

And then someone needs me, or four somebody's need me. I get a certain someone ready for their evening classes day in and day out. Sometimes it seems that's all there is. And we return home to make dinner, eat, put away laundry, go pick up that certain somebody. Then I listen to countless stories of all the exercises, laps she ran, how many bumps and bruises she has. I coddle and hug, shower and dress. Put her to bed. Figure out what to do with the baby. And Elizabeth has activities, too.

My life very much feels like touch and go. I'm always figuring out the next moment. And then I go to the next.

So these last few months have been swept away with me trying to keep up with everything, particularly school. In one sort of day I am a math teacher, an astronomy teacher, a physical science teacher, English teacher, History teacher, a physical education and health teacher for three different grade levels, and at the end of the day I'm just plain tuckered out! Sometimes I walk through the house at night muttering to myself as I get things picked up and put away. Usually I get sent to bed for that. I think I'll put myself to bed, too.

Hello

I haven't written in so long that I don't really want to start out griping, but that's really why I'm posting! When I feel I can't turn to anyone, I guess I blog. I guess my plate's been pretty full lately and I haven't had time or something.

Do you ever feel damned if you do and damned if you don't? I'm in one of those pickles now. I'm on a costume committee where I am one of the only two who can sew. The ones who can't sew want us to re-use the costumes from last year where we can. I think that's very kind as they are not wanting to overload the two of us who know how to sew. They think it's a waste that their mom sewed a costume that will never be used again. Is that really my problem? I don't feel it is.

My predicament is that I have a daughter who would very much like a new costume, and I don't mind sewing one for her. So do you see my dilemma? If I sew a costume I am pleasing my husband and daughter but upsetting the others who really NEED me to sew costumes for them. Actually I'm supposed to be helping the kids sew costumes, but in reality I don't know if that will work. We'll see. Why is it that every good thing has to have a sour side at some time or another? So I feel crunched to please the people I love but realize I cannot please all of them in this situation.

My solution: Get all the other costumes sewn and then crunch in one last costume for Elizabeth at the end. I really don't think they can be mad if I use my spare time to do so. But I find myself angry with everyone that they have put me in this predicament. Next time I will state that I will have to talk with my kids first and then make their costumes second. Sorry.

Abe Books... I love it!!!!

Okay, I just ordered some books from my new favorite place to order books....Abe books. You should check it out. Most likely they have what you need and what you love.

BUT...as I checked out I thought the price was a little high. I ignored it. And then I noticed I accidentally ordered two books I had already ordered! Oh well. At least they were all so cheap that in the end I still saved money. But gheez. How old am I getting? I think they were in my basket and it wasn't until I signed in when ordering that those books popped up. I'll know to check next time. Never crossed my mind, but I'm sure they asked and I said it was okay.

The Enemy of Our Souls

Here's a post just for Tammie. I wanted to comment on her blog but then it just came out all weird. So I decided to spend some time on it here because it's exactly what I have been going through.

"You should clean,
your kids aren't doing their chores,
or enough school (we schooled until 5 yesterday),
they don't know anything,
you're doing TOO much school,
you should paint the walls,
your house is a mess,
you don't even have groceries planned out,
you spend too much money,
what do I do next???,
I'm so confused,
I can't even find a pencil,
or figure out a schedule for school,
you should have already mailed those packages a week ago,
you don't even have all the supplies you need,
loser,
I'm overwhelmed,
am I doing this right?,
I should play with Abby more".
These are all the thoughts and feelings I've been struggling with all week. And you know what? I believed it. This post is going to be a little preachy because I am fed up with the devil. And the anger you hear is directed at such a loser. I am not the loser.

So I will try to keep it short. It is the enemy of our souls who is prowling around like a lion seeking whom he can devour. He is telling us all these lies about ourselves. And that's just it. They are lies. Let me clarify. It is true that I need a schedule and I do need supplies, but it is NOT true that I am a loser because of it. Nor can I possibly get all the things done I think I should. God is real and true and good and because of HIM, not me, we will get to the end of this homeschooling road and see a beautiful success. Believe me. I have been in the thick of it.

It took another friend to help me see that it was the devil talking to me. Because the truth of it is that Tammie, your house is beautiful. If it weren't for kids I'd have sandwiches or cheese and crackers every night. I'm sure there were lots of nights that Jesus didn't cook a fancy dinner. And you ARE overwhelmed at work. You are stressed and need to take a load off at home. We do need to exercise, but we shouldn't beat ourselves up about it. The same friend is always encouraging me to just do 15 minutes of whatever it is that needs to be done. She says, "Just walk for 10 or 15 minutes. That's all you need, and it doesn't have to be every day. Just try 3 times a week. Just draw for 15 minutes, Tania. Just put all the junk in a basket and put it away for 15 minutes." I'm hoping this is helping and not just adding on piles of more guilt. Sometimes we need to hear new ideas or give ourselves permission to not do something. And sometimes we need to tell ourselves to just do whatever is bugging us for 15 minutes.

After having this realization this week I feel so much more aware. Not that I still haven't struggled with feeling overwhelmed, because I have! But it sounds like the enemy could be distracting both of us from finding that peace and rest that we so desperately need!

Another friend told me something cute this week. She homeschools, too. When her kids were little she'd always shake her head and say, "we're so behind. we're so behind. But, we're behind Jesus!". And if you knew her you'd know she really was. Now, her kids tell her that when she gets stressed that they are behind. Her point was to seek first the kingdom of God. And I realized that if I do that first every day (read His Word and pray) that NOTHING else matters in the whole day, it's all behind Jesus. I can rest assured that my to-do list of 1000 things can just wait and it's all in His hands if I place it there every morning. Now I take 10 or 15 minutes every day and read and pray. When I'm done I have so much peace that the most important thing has happened for the whole day.

So, I pass that on for what it's worth. I hope it brings you some courage to kick a little bootie!

And here's a quote that I have clung to for the past couple of days:

"God wants us to move through this day with a quiet heart & peaceful certainty that our lives are in His hands." Roy Lessin

Well, it sounded better for my situation, but maybe it'll help. I've also been writing scripture in my journal every day to help me focus on God's Word so that all the other voices will fade away. And I'd really like to hang more scripture around my house to help me remember His promises. BUT! I'm not going to feel guilty about it!

May I just say that all of us need to post more? This is getting ridiculous. You know what's going on here? Allergies. I am dizzy all day from my ears being clogged up. All blood tests came back fine. I was prescribed a nose spray that makes my throat feel like it's on fire. Fun. I get to choose between a fiery throat and not being able to stand up. Let's see....what do I feel like today? Well, I can tell you after not sleeping well last night I am not using the spray today.

Oh, and my mom gave me money to spend on some books. God bless you, Mom. I was so excited. I used it to purchase a schedule/literature program for Elizabeth that I had been drooling over. Relief. That's all I feel. Relief.

I haven't exercised in a week. Not easy to exercise when you can't really stand up straight. Wish I could make the letters to that last sentence drop off the edge or something.

We're trying a new math program this year. I cannot wait. It is new and called Math on the Level. You completely tailor each day to each child and what they need to learn. Lots of real life examples and games, charts, cooking, etc are thrown in each week in addition to just 5 daily review problems. Can you imagine? You can do more if you want. And you do a lot of practice problems for whatever concept is being taught. But no more endless pages of addition, subtraction, division etc. It specializes in teaching you how to combine several concepts into one problem so they can learn many, many concepts in one fell swoop. We need this so that we can focus on some other things like writing, history, science, etc.

Ah...Sweet Friendship!

I have met with a friend today who showed me her entire library of history books! She has such a wonderful array of books and ideas and curriculum. She said I could use it all for FREE! And it is so much better than the curriculum I wanted to purchase for $600! See how God closes one venue because He wants us to head in another direction!

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9