If Anything is Worth Doing, It's Worth Doing Badly

That phrase will make a perfectionist squirm, but it seems to sum up my life right now. What am I up to??? This year I have been focused on eating healthier and exercising. Every time I get in shape or at least started in that direction some kind of injury would stop me. Praise God this time He's allowed me to continue. Knees-check...Feet-check...just good. It feels so good to run and sweat, to have something to work towards. It's free. It doesn't have to be cleaned up. It doesn't whine. I love it.

I have a desire to eat soaked grains, to stop sugar, and to teach my kids the same. A desire. It hasn't gone anywhere beyond that. I still love that stinkin' Dr. Pepper! I have learned that if you don't buy all the junky stuff, the kids won't shrivel up & die as they are inclined to think. Our pantry is pretty bare. Not as bare as the post below, but bare. One day after deciding that potato chips were not going to magically appear on the pantry shelf, they resigned themselves to oatmeal, apples and oranges for a snack. I was impressed. I wouldn't have thought of that.

School. Hmmm. "Why am I doing this again?" has been a tune I've been hearing a lot lately. I try to take the thought captive. I have even tried going down that path of "what if they went to school, even a nice private school?". I mean if the thought keeps coming back sometimes you do wonder if God may be putting it there. After a few seconds I realize we can't even begin to afford private school. I could teach at summit, but really. I would miss them and cry every day. That would be ridiculously silly. I would then question THAT decision. I would be so tired from teaching every child in that school art (b/c that's the way they do it) that I would really never clean house or talk to my kids. This just isn't the answer. Not now anyway. And then they have so many friends. That would really tear them up. NO, I feel called to this and always have as long as I can remember. This is just a hard time. It's the end of the year. EVERYTHING in God's creation is due right now. And then I have to think about the summer.

I've discovered that rebecca loves to listen to a teacher. She clings to every word and knows it to be gospel truth...just how she heard it. Sometimes she doesn't get it just right. But she comes alive. I am seriously considering abeka dvds for her math curriculum next year. I think it would totally motivate her even in it's cheesiness. And I just need to get something off my plate. I so often wonder: wouldn't someone else be a better teacher for them? There are so many days I am unmotivated and just want to get the work DONE. Who cares if they learn anything or even like it. Just do it! Then there are the days when we sit down and read together and laugh and squawk over some awesome book we are reading. Or they come home from co-op and dissect a flower and know all the parts. I didn't even KNOW you could dissect a flower! Or we learn about bees. Or we FINALLY start dictation exercises, and they get better at it every day. Or they learn how to play "The Star Spangled Banner". Or they tell me I'm the best teacher they've ever had! And I think, wow. God did that. God carved out the time to learn that. He did it. They've asked to do school this summer. And we need to. Such an answer to prayer. I just hate it when we question, "God am I REALLY doing what you want me to be doing? Or am I kidding myself? Am I getting in Your way?" One thing's for sure. When it's all said and done, everything that any of us do is to the glory of God. It cannot be done unless HE wills it to be so. "Had it not been the Lord who was on our side, the waters would have engulfed us...we would have surely died."

Lastly, we've been budgetizing. I hate it. I can't sleep at night. Micah asked me several weeks ago to be in charge of it again. Not to make all the decisions, just keep track of our expenses. But something happens to me when I do that (which is why I stopped in the first place). I become obsessive. I can't help it. I have this thing in me...err perfectionism...cough...cough. I just have to do everything I do the very best I can. I immediately start thinking about every expense that needs to be cut. Problem is, certain people (we won't mention any names to protect the guilty) don't think these things need to be cut. They see them as necessities. And then I wonder why in the world we're going through all the trouble if we're never going to change anything! Oh my! So frustrating. We've been listening to Dave Ramsey. He is so incredibly awesome. He tells it like it is, and that is exactly what we need to hear. He has ten steps (surprise!) and we found out we're working on steps 6, 7, and 10 but haven't even done the first 5. Or we skip to step 2 but didn't complete number 1. No wonder we can't make anything work.