9 months...

Apparently the doctor thinks I'll be perfectly fine in 9 months. Go figure!

I Can't Believe...

Chris won!!! Rebecca blamed Daddy because Adam lost. She said with tears in her eyes that he didn't vote enough times for Adam.

Update

Well...the brakes are on for now. While I was waiting for my test results (the doc wouldn't prescribe anything without them), I realized I want to check into the root causes of this so-called depression. Can you tell I feel great today? So, I have done quite a bit of research to discover that the adrenal gland, the thyroid, and hormones can all cause fatigue, foggy mindedness, and depression (among many other things). I wondered, "What if this is God's way of preventing me from getting some horrible disease b/c I woke up and paid attention?" You see when I look at the checklist for disorders of these glands/hormones I pretty much fit the bill. I'll spare you all the details. Let's just say there's enough information. Not to mention that my mother and grandmother also had problems in these areas. My mother thinks she contracted diabetes because she did not take her thyroid medication regularly. At the time she didn't understand that these things were connected or how important it was for her to stay on the meds constantly. I mean who knows, she may have gotten it anyway, but an untreated thyroid, adrenal, or hormone can lead to many diseases including diabetes. The solution?

My blood work came back normal...surprise. But he only tested 2 of the 4 TH panels. I don't have the guts exactly yet to ask him for a referral elsewhere, like to an endocrinologist. But if I have to, I will. But I have one more step to make first. A nutritionist/naturopathic physician at People's Pharmacy is going to help me. She was the first person I talked to that actually had a PLAN already in place to take care of these symptoms. Everyone else was kind of like, "Duh...I don't know." Not to down doctors and medical professionals, but come on guys, this is your job. She can do a saliva cortisol test that will measure 5 types of hormone and adrenal levels 4 times throughout the day. It will also measure DHEA. Don't really know or care what that is. Just sounds smart, doesn't it?

She won't be able to prescribe medication if I need it, but she will be able to tell me exactly what I do need. She'll also tell me how fat I am, that should be fun, and how that affects my health. It should be loads of fun! She will also do a thorough blood screening of my thyroid (thank you), my hormones, etc. Sound kind of hokie? They have helped me countless other times, why wouldn't I get their help in this time of need? And, this morning I was on my face asking God for answers. Just anything, please. I want my life back. Is it snowing yet? Sorry, I digress to It's A Wonderful Life. Anyway, the saliva cortisol test has been proven in every other country to be a valid way of showing hormone levels, but not many doctors here accept it yet.

So...I'll keep you updated. It could potentially take a long time b/c they measure the levels on day 19, 20, or 21 of your cycle.

Guess which day I slept all day and couldn't lift a finger? Day 19.
Guess which day I couldn't get the dishes done in the morning? Day 20.
And guess which day I went to the doctor b/c I couldn't take it anymore? Day21.
Yup.
Somethings up, but I don't know what it is. Which comes first, the chicken or the egg?

Feeling Tired...all the time

I feel tired all the time. Well, not ALL the time but almost. There are one or two weeks in the month when I have energy. On those days I get the majority of my cleaning done and go like a mad woman to the mall, purchasing everything in sight. Then when I realize I shouldn't have bought something, it takes me about two to three weeks to wait for the next burst of energy to return the item.

I'm sad alot or at least two weeks out of the month...you can guess which two those are. When asked how I am I ALWAYS reply with, "I'm fine." or "I'm tired." Usually the latter.

I did nothing on Wednesday except go for my walk and take a two hour nap. I wanted to sleep all day on Thursday. I drank coffee to get the dishes done. I skipped my walk today so that I could have energy to go to the doctor. I quit co-op b/c I was too tired. I dread next year and wonder how I will educate my children next year. And I often wonder how I will get our daily chores done in the midst of school. I quit training for the 10k b/c I was tired all the time. I was almost there and could run 4 1/2 miles. How many people can do that? Now I can barely run 5 minutes.

I came home with two flavors of ice cream that I really don't recall looking at. It is challenging for me to focus and multi-task.

Now that I have everyone depressed...let me assure you I am okay. I was sure it was going to be thyroid related, yet deep inside I had a feeling it was okay. My tests have been normal. He suspects this next blood test will come out fine, too. His prognosis is that I need a mild anti-depressant. I'm not happy about this. Not that I need an anti-depressant b/c I suspect he is right, but I really don't want to put this chemical in my brain. And what if after a year he thinks I need to continue? He said it would only take a year. And honestly I really struggle with being known as the woman who needs an anti-depressant. That's horribly prideful. But I shouldn't have to live on caffeine to feel normal, to feel awake. He said it effects a lot of people in a lot of different ways, and for me it seems to be tiredness. He said one man runs marathons and then for days later he sleeps all the time. That sounds like me! I want to wake up and do something fun, but I have no energy. Zip. He did say he could be wrong, so I need to do a trial period.

So, if you read this could you just pray for me to have wisdom? I really want to know what I should do, but more than that I want to feel normal. Not tired. It may be worth it to take this drug to feel better.

Letting Go and Finding Something to Do

It is so absolutely wonderful to not have as much on my plate. And yet...I don't know what to do with myself! Don't get me wrong; I have a list. Somehow it's just getting to that list, finding a way to make it part of my life now. I find myself wondering what we can sign up for. Have I lost my mind? There are just so many wonderful options out there. I'd really love the kids to participate in this speech and debate club I found. They're all about the fact that only 5% of the nation feels comfortable speaking in front of others. I am quite confident that our president and even Bush would not be included in that percentage. Their goal is to flood the 5% with christians. Isn't that awesome?

Other thoughts for next year...it looks like Elizabeth is volunteering herself to continue in AWANAs. I can't believe it. I am astonished. Do you see me on the floor? This year has been so difficult for her. I mean we're talking tears and dread at least for 3/4 of the year. But once she realized I didn't care if she finished her book, that it was completely up to her she relaxed. And I was so proud of her that she kept diligently working on her book and making some progress. And I reminded her that there are lots of 9th graders who are just now finishing the book she is almost done with. AWANA is a hard program.

She is growing up, and she sees many of her friends going on to do Trek and Journey in AWANA so she wants to as well. I am excited about this b/c she will be learning to apply all of the scriptures she has already memorized for the past 3 years (well over 150 verses). It seems she will need less of my help, and that is exciting, too. I have to admit I love this stage of letting go. It is wonderful to not have quite as many responsibilities and things to juggle. The trick is knowing what to let go of at precisely the right time.

Mother's Day

For Mother's Day I was very blessed with a surprise certificate for Sprinkle of Grace! I am so very excited and motivated now more than ever to lose a little weight and trim up a bit. I told Micah the only requirement is that Jenny must make me look gorgeous. Well, I'll settle for decent and happy. No pressure, Jenny. Really. No really.

I found a new website I am trying out called http://www.livestrong.com/ You can track your calories, exercising, and water intake. I think it is way cool and motivating. We have to do what works.

We had a wonderful day visiting with Mom, Don, Brian, Tammy, and Ariel. I beat everyone at Master Clue which was a miracle b/c it was the most chaotic game ever played. But we made it. We enjoyed a buffet lunch with Mom, Don, Jesse, and Tammie. It was a delightful day filled with cute cards and fun times. Thanks, everyone.

Catching Up

So I guess I didn't miss the whole month of April. That's good because I thought I had. We are deep in the trenches of the end of the year! We have...AWANAS awards, the co-op showcase, gymnastics for parents, and a hip-hop performance. And! We're keeping up with school. Wow. I'm tired.

My garden is beautiful. I am pleased as punch with it. We have already enjoyed some lettuce, radishes, and spinach. I just kept looking at it thinking, "This came from a seed!" That's incredible to me! I guess I'm easy to please. Everything is growing, growing, growing, EXCEPT the basil. I am about to give up and purchase a plant. Because...a girls got to have her basil.

My marigolds are starting to bloom, and again I just gape at them in wonder. How could an itty-bitty tiny seed produce something so absolutely amazingly beautiful and colorful? And it actually grew! In my garden!
.....
All my sunflowers have come up and my morning glories. I can't wait to see purty blooms on them, too. Cami decided a hole needed to be where I planted giant marigolds and cosmos, so I don't expect much there. But they have sprouted none-the-less.

Lastly, I found a WONDERFUL math curriculum that I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE. And so do the kids. That's just perfect.

I had a wonderful birthday filled with a trip to the Outlet Mall (found some Crocs for $5!), my dear friend Maura, dinner out to the Olive Garden, Round Rock Express, my parents, and my fabulous husband and kids. It was so over-the-top fun!