Crying

I cried about gymnastics tonight...AT gymnastics. That was fun. I then cried all the way from there to Elizabeth's dance class. I sat in the parking lot waiting for her to get done and cried while all the parents walked by to pick up their girls. People tried not to stare as they passed by. I tried smiling to cover it up. I came home with red, puffy eyes making my son and husband wonder what in the world had happened from the time I left home until the time I got back.

I asked a mom from gymnastics to possibly drive me Saturday to San Antonio to the meet. It's just too much for me, and I don't want to get labor pains again. It's too scary. You would have thought I'd asked her for her son to marry my daughter. She's going there anyway...Oh well. All I can figure is that maybe no one has ever done anything nice for her. I even offered to pay for all of the gas to get us there and back. I mean really, what's wrong with this lady?

And then I made the mistake of asking the coach if the meets were mandatory. I told her my situation and what happened last time. She then asked if I couldn't carpool with anyone. Salt in the wound, thank you very much. And then I started crying wondering how in the world I was going to manage to get her there because I just knew I couldn't do it again. And then I was mad at that lady. Stupid really. But I was. I kind of thought she liked me and might be considered a friend. I don't know. I'm too used to my wonderful friends here.

My mom is taking me. Yeah for our wonderful moms! That really makes me want to cry! I love you, Mom!!!

Clothes

I'm in that frustrated state tonight. A frustrated state of, "my shorts are too tight and so is my bra." I'm tired of buying new clothes only to find them "shrink". Now of course we all know that is not exactly what is happening but it feels like it! Babies are hard work.

Pleasant Place

Little baby is kick, kick, kicking. I'm at that pleasant place of pregnancy where you love it so much yet can't wait for baby. But I still can't believe how little she is! Not even a pound yet and I've gained I think 20 times that amount. How can that be? I tried so hard not to, but it is difficult to stay motivated when there are so many necessary things to do. As I was praying about it the other day I sensed God saying that I probably would never be able to do it all. And when the Lord of all hosts tells you that, well you know you just need to give it up and not worry about it. So, I exercise when I can and try not to beat myself up over it. But my kids are educated, my husband is fed, my baby is safe, and I spend time with God (on most days). That is what matters. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you." I have to keep telling myself that.

I miss friends. I have been kind of isolated the past 5 months. I feel like I have hibernated or something. I'm sure I have slept most of it. The rest of the time I have shuttled kids back and forth to their activities. I have this deep desire to plan some wonderful party yet realize I could never pull it off. Or, we'd all be sitting around wondering what to do. I get way too stressed out currently about cleaning, so I've just opted not to do it. I can't handle the pressure. No. Really. I can't.

This Week

Had a little scare this week. Sunday night I had contraction-like something or nothers, pelvic pressure, chills, and it felt like the baby was tap dancing to the Arctic Circle. Monday night was Blaine's birthday, so I really was too tired to notice anything. And then again Tuesday night I just didn't feel good and felt like things could progress at any moment. So, I called the nurse hot line since my nurse suggested I do so at night. She concluded that I probably had a bladder infection and should go in the next day. So, on Wednesday Micah stayed home while I went to the doctor. I actually got to see my midwife, so I was excited and relieved that she would be taking are of something so important. I wanted to make sure I wasn't going into labor. She checked me and everything is fine. Whew. The test showed I do have a bladder infection, so they started me on meds. I was so relieved! So all is well, and we are moving into week 22!

It's A Girl!!!

Or, at least I hope! We've already bought the crib bedding, and it has pink and purple flowers. I'm going to trust that the tech's 30 years of experience will prove her right! I cannot believe I am going to be the mother of 3 girls! Something I would never have dared to ask God for, but am so happy He did for me! I feel so important. Silly really. But, I guess we need to cherish these few moments when we feel as if we have something important to do. Because...all too soon there will be crying and incompetence settling in. But for now I feel as if God has an important mission for me to accomplish in raising these three girls. God help me! I need to be the mouth that speaks truth to them, that prepares them for the road bumps and obstacles of teenagerness and womanhood. I need to be the hands that pray and caress when those road bumps aren't scuttled. Wow! What a job. All you other moms give me courage!

School Has Started

School has started and is in full force now. We have completed an entire week, officially. We've even had our first vacation. Can't beat that. The girls are working diligently this year on writing, something I have neglected for the past umpteen years. I love to write; though, I am not particularly good at it and handing out a writing assignment doesn't come naturally. But, with the wonderful help of Ruth Beechick we have many good ideas to start with. Today they wrote about how they are different from one of their pets. The hard part was choosing which pet to compare themselves to. I was so dang proud of them, and their assignments came out really good! I cannot believe how creative they are. And I was impressed with Elizabeth's complex sentence structure. With absolutely no grammar instruction at all (gasp) she knew the placement of almost every comma and period. She writes very well in my opinion.

Last night I had a dream that Rebecca wrote a rhyme and stood up to read it in front of a homeschool class. One of my good friends commented that it wasn't very good. I couldn't believe she said that, but then one of the moms stood up and said that Rebecca's mom should never be allowed to teach writing on her own. The only problem was that I was assigned to teach writing to that class! I wanted to crawl under a table! I only hoped they wouldn't find out that I was her mother. I guess I have a few fears about teaching writing.

It's 3 o'clock, and we have officially finished school. Blaine is waiting eagerly to play his new computer game from Wendy's. It's pretty awesome apparently.

. . .

This morning Blaine greeted me in the hallway. He looked up from his sprawled position on the floor with, "Wow! That's a big tummy!" Good morning to you, too, Blaine.

Last week we had left-over enchiladas. He takes one bite, says excuse me, runs over to the middle of the kitchen and says, "This food makes me want to throw-up!" We corrected him, and he responded with, "Well, you told me not to say it at the table, and I didn't." He has a point there. That boy cracks me up. I just don't know what to do with him sometimes! You never know what he's going to say. I can't wait for him to start writing. I want to see that boy's thoughts on paper.

. . .

I have been feeling the baby kick, wriggle, and flip for about a month now. It has been amazing. Today especially the little fellow has been going at it. I had chocolate pudding, and somehow chocolate always makes him/her excited. Maybe that means it's a girl? We still haven't decided on names. Catherine is the name we have settled on the most, but I'm still not 100% sure. The boy name is a complete mystery. My dad and Micah LOVE Logan and Cole. I think they are very nice names; I just don't like them for my baby. Sorry. My poor, poor husband. You think I'd at least let him choose a boy name!

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ONLY TWO DAYS LEFT UNTIL WE SEE THE LITTLE BABY!!! Maybe we'll find out if it's a girl or boy; we really hope so and are praying for that! I have a crib in the garage ready to set-up, and a pocketbook burning a hole to buy some kind of cute bedding! Terrible. I'm just praying everything checks out okay on the sonogram. Mommies worry so much. Ugh.