Thank you all for posting

I guess I have a little apologizing to do because I was the one wagging my finger and now I am just getting around to posting!!! Well, maybe I have a good enough excuse. I'm up when I shouldn't be, but right now I really don't care. I will lay down in a minute.

It just occurred to me this morning that I could log into my bookmarks from Micah's laptop. My computer is upstairs, which I am banned from for all eternity. The kids take pictures to show me the good work they've done to clean their rooms or the study. It's so cute.

We are ready for Christmas. I have shopped vicariously through the computer and other people, mainly my mom. All is wrapped and under the tree, again thanks to my mom, Micah, and the kids. God has given me much grace to just be okay with everything. Maybe the total, preoccupation with baby has something to do with it. But I'm really okay with resting, on most days. Mostly, I just miss everyone. But in time I will peak out into the world and get reacquainted with all those I have missed, including all of you wonderful family.

What Did I Miss??

Okay, what happened to Kara's blog??? Did everyone know about this and I am just now finding out? This is not funny.

December Blogging

I'm blogging because not many others are right now. How boring is that??? Pretty much so. I think everyone is catching up with Thanksgiving and trying to get a handle on Christmas. But let me just say that none of us are allowed to stop blogging during December! It is illegal, do you understand? I must hear about all of your lives and how you are doing. I want to hear about all your shopping escapades and wonderful deals. Oh, and all the parties and how much fun or not so fun they are. So, please get those typing fingers ready.

I am doing well. Having a pretty good week actually. I am looking forward to Amber's wedding and hoping I will still feel good on Saturday. Baby is rolling around and happy as usual. My mom is coming next week! Hurray!!!

It Has Slipped...

I can no longer do the grocery shopping. On Monday the kids and I went to HEB, I think the first time in 3 weeks. They pushed the cart, lifted all the heavy stuff. They were super. Well, Blaine did scream and cry that he cut his hand on a pineapple. But I was so nice and patient during the whole thing, refusing to get stressed but to enjoy this little moment. Let's face it, he won't cry about pineapples forever, and he'll probably never touch one again. Everyone in the store thought it quite amusing. I'm glad we could offer entertainment.

Later that day I laid down some and did a few piddly housework items. Then they came. From 2:30-8:00 my uterus contracted. I drank 3 glasses of water and laid down at 2:30 but felt good enough to get up again in an hour. I don't know if they went away. Eventually, at 5:30 I took notice and decided I should probably start timing these suckers. 5 in 30 minutes. Drink 3 more glasses of water, lay down. 5 in 20 minutes. Call the nurse. Stay down. Starve. Finally, at 8:00pm they subsided. I ate and fell asleep. It was stressful and emotional. I saw the doctor on Tuesday and thankfully everything checked out fine.

So, I've been banned. Is it "lay" or "laid"? Jenny???

Starbucks

I broke down and cried in Starbucks yesterday. We were on a date, and I had a little meltdown. As we drove home, cutting our date short, it escalated into a full-blown chocolate fondue party (meltdown). We won't go into details. Let's just say Micah decided that he needed to purchase me 3 huge boxes of Kleenex at Target later that day. All he said was, "Here, you need this." Poor guy. You know we think we have it hard with them, but they really had no idea what in the heck they were getting into when they married us.

We Have Made It...

to 30 weeks. Somehow I feel a sense of accomplishment and relief. I think the next milestone will be 32 and then probably 36. I don't know. I still have to take things super, super easy. My normal pace is so far away from reality right now it is UNREAL. I can do about 1/100 of what I used to do. I can go shopping. That is a good thing, but I am afraid that might be slowly slipping from my hand, too. I hate to say it. But I think once or maybe twice a week is realistic for the shopping arena. Not sure how groceries fit into that. Maybe that sounds like a lot to the rest of everyone else. But when you have the nesting hormone surging through your blood, that is very limited. I am learning to accept it.

I am Learning

That I am not defined by what I do but WHO I am. Not that I've learned it; I said I AM learning. I broke down crying in the doctor's office Monday about. My doc put on her psychologist hat and gave me some counsel. It is difficult to explain because we are ALWAYS, ALWAYS wanting a break as a mother, yet deep down I don't know that we really do. When one can suddenly no longer do the dishes, clean the house, make dinner, do her own laundry, make her own bed you feel sort of...useless. It's weird. I think because there is no choice in the matter. When we "vacation" we're CHOOSING to take a break from those tasks. When we're sick or way-too-pregnant-and-too-much-activity-gives-me-contractions then there is no choosing. It is forced upon us and we suddenly have to face the demon staring at us in the closet, telling us we're worthless. But thankfully I have wonderful friends reminding me that I'm making a baby, a life that will forever live into eternity praising our Lord. But I am still learning.

Medical Reports

I'll keep it short because I feel I've repeated the story many times over. My glucose test came back abnormal. I'm good with it, and I will go see a nutritionist on Thursday and every two weeks thereafter. The diet has proven to be a very good thing for a lot of people and their babies. I am hoping it will mean a smaller baby and a smaller me.

Had a beautiful baby shower on Saturday complete with lots and lots of goodies for baby. It is wonderful to have these wonderful things during all this other stuff going on.

I Love the Smell...

of the heater being turned on. Isn't that silly? It's just so nice and cozy. I love watching the kids play in their rooms, wearing my socks, and just knowing everything is good in our world. Thank you, God.

My Little Nest

Each day I feel a little better and can tell a huge difference. I am hoping on Monday she will release me for light exercise. I can hardly stand not moving. I drink a lot of water just so I can walk around. I also try to run one errand a day to get me moving. Sad isn't it? How many people do you know who go to Target to get exercise? I'm the slowest person there, but by golly I'm walking.

God has helped me emotionally feel much better about the many different outcomes that could come of all this. He is helping me trust Him regardless of what anyone says. That is a tremendous praise. I realize I only have two more months of whatever it is they make me do, so it won't be forever.

I think I just worked myself to death over here. Sorting, shopping, organizing, cleaning out, planning, etc. I had no idea I wasn't 28 anymore and couldn't handle it on top of taking care of three others who are quite grown. The good news is all three kids are now able to clean the house head to toe without any of my help. If needed they could do it all in a day. They can do all of their laundry without any of my help. And now I have them making breakfast while I sit at the table directing them. (They complained about eating cereal every day, so I fixed that pretty quick. Now they get to work for their breakfast, and you know they haven't complained since). We haven't had to add them making dinner because a few people have brought us meals, and we seriously had pizza three nights in a row. I had spinach salad instead. I've discovered that's a very easy meal to assemble with garbanzo beans. Yummy.

Now that I'm not doing as much the house is ransacked. I have energy for my one errand and then I come home and lay down for two hours. Somehow in there we get school done. I need time today to get everyone to put their stuff away. Now, who will put mine away? I don't think that's going to happen. And I have so much stuff to give to so and so. And so and so doesn't come by. And it all just piles up in the living room. I want to scream or cry maybe. My little nest is falling apart...and I wonder where in the world we will fit all the baby stuff? We need some serious help over here. I need my husband, but he is tired and busy. He has an extra job making a website for a friend. The money will pay for the delivery. On top of that he is STILL taking Blaine to flag football practice and a game. Then comes Thanksgiving. I'm really not seeing any free weekends here for work to get done. My poor little nest!

Everything Okay

Just wanted everyone to know I am feeling a whole better. I am still needing to take is super easy and rest a lot. I'm about to go do that now. I'll get test results back later this afternoon, so that will give some definitive answers of a sort. Either way the contractions have gone away completely and I do feel a little like myself again. I was able to drive to the doctors with only one contraction and was even able to stop at Babies R Us to pick up a present for a friend and welcome home outfit for baby. I can just tell I tire a lot more easily and need to be in a horizontal position! Even sitting is not enough; though, it is better than standing.

Hoopla

Contractions and more contractions. They have me counting them per hour which is really fun. I've had too many for two days in a row. Put myself on partial bed rest. Lots of movies over here. Seems like two weeks since Monday. I've cancelled everything in my life, as if I had something to cancel anyway.

Nurse didn't like that I had more contractions last night, so I have to go in first thing in the morning. I hate all the hub-bub. I just want to go to Wal-Mart or Target. Target would be better. In time. Of course this may mean we do nothing for Thanksgiving or Christmas. I'm trying not to think about that. I woke to images of our kids going on a hayride to get our Christmas tree and me staying back home. Tear.

My good friend is in the hospital with weird electrolytes. So much going on. God help us all because we're like the blind helping the blind.

Pizza & Candy

I just ate a lot of junk food today, and I have an OB appointment on Monday. Great. This is NOT a good combination.

Howdy Ya'll!

I'm 27 weeks, and the baby weighs just over 2 pounds! How cool is that?

I've wanted to do this post for sometime, so here goes...

"You Know You're in Texas When":
1) It's 78 degrees outside and you see old ladies in coats at Walgreens.
2) Everyone walks around with goose bumps when it's 85 and windy.
3) There's a drought yet it rains every other day.
4) There are no orange or yellow leaves. They just turn brown and fall off.
5) We get excited and break out the hot chocolate for our first cold front. It reached 58 degrees... at midnight.
6) You shop for your Christmas tree...donning shorts.
7) Your kids start praying in October that it will at least be chilly when they pick out their tree in December.
8) You serve up your favorite fall soup...when it's 95 degrees, the coldest day of the week.

My Living Room Looks Like a Goodwill Store

I forgot to mention on my blog that my blood test came back normal. Yeah! No restrictive diets. Wonderful news.

I have been cleaning out closets, sorting pictures, cleaning under my bed. Have you ever found a broken glass under your bed? I'd love to know the story of that one. I have about 6 plastic trash bags between my living room and car. All of them go to different places. Will they ever go away? I don't know. It's a few tiny steps every day. But what I've accomplished looks great! I found a new way to organize the medicines in the bathroom. I even had a enough space for all that extra stuff you keep on hand in the bathroom...toothbrushes, soap, etc. And you can see it all! Everyone should have a baby about every 5 years. These are things I've wanted to accomplish for at least that long. I feel like the Amazon Woman.

I'm coming closer to finishing our photos. I finished two more years last week. I'm ready to order more, and then the gauntlet came down last night. Micah informed me that my Picassa tray was "accidentally" emptied when he closed it down. Oh well. It will give me something else to do. That was a whole year!

We got the invites out today, and they are adorable! The girls did such a great job on them. I think they are very creative and beautiful.

Maria...

was an answer to prayer. I felt horrible yesterday morning. My head was spinning and I had a splitting headache. After two days I was tired of feeling that way. I sat on the couch and cried. When would my life be normal again? What if I felt this way after the baby arrived? Would I be able to care for her or the other children? I didn't even know if I could take care of them now. Putting them in school just so they would have childcare seemed a viable option.

I finally decided to stop "coping" and just call my doctor's office. The nurse has been in close contact with me about what is going on. At 1pm on the dot, she called back. Maria was her name. My regular nurse was out of the office for the day. Coincidence? I don't think so. She talked to the doctor who reported I should be eating every 2 hours. Well, that could be why I feel like crap all the time. She said to eat little bits of protein at each "meal" and only 4 total carbs for the whole day. But, bless her heart, the first thing she said was, "Your sugar really wasn't that bad (it was 4 points over), and maybe on Friday the test will hopefully come out fine." I wanted to hug her, send her flowers, tell her how special she was! Heaven sent. I desperately needed her encouragement. She talked with me for a while about nutrition and the importance of eating protein after exercise and drinking 10 glasses of water a day. I felt all the pieces come into place and a complete peace wash over me. I was concerned about drinking more glucola if I was already dizzy (I have another test this morning at 7am). She reassured me that the doctor stated it only stays in your bloodstream for 2 hours. Whew. She even told me to bring along protein to eat after the test. What a sweetheart. God bless Maria!

I went and had a praise moment afterward! God is so good. We just don't even know.

Can't Sleep

Too many things on my mind. Loose ends to be tied I guess. Things I just haven't had time for. I'm frustrated that I don't have my kids writing every day. They do have to write in a journal, no matter what. But, I mean papers. Real, live papers. A good idea will strike me, and that's as far as I get. I don't even care if I read the papers. I just want them to write! Lord, I need help.

I have officially sorted through 2,650 photos from the past 4 years. I now have several hundred to put in albums. Needless to say, there are a few stacks I ordered that 'ahem' I already had printed and ready to put into albums. Oh well.

Last thing on my mind. How could my due date possibly be off? I've checked and rechecked the calendar. It could only be off by a week, at the most. To be blunt my last cycle was on my birthday. That's a little hard to forget. Okay, I won't worry about it anymore.

Peace

We now have a room for the baby. I cannot tell you how much absolute peace this brings me. We moved Blaine back to his old room (Rebecca's room) and moved Rebecca to his room (the large one). Thank goodness with a little cash and Spider Man we were able to make the pale blue work for Blaine. Because I absolutely could not paint another room! We painted the large room lavender, or at least I should say Micah did. I was in there doing something that whole time, but I don't know what exactly. It looks so nice. I even got the closets painted a little. It makes such a difference to the state of my mind. We don't have the crib set up, but just knowing everyone's stuff is where it is supposed to be is HUGE. I also drug out all the baby stuff that has been donated to us that we won't be using. I have it bagged up and ready to go to LifeCare Pregnancy Center. Everything looks so much better and ORGANIZED. Ahhhhh. Can you hear the sigh of relief?

Next....I am measuring at almost 29 weeks. I have been measuring several weeks ahead of my due date for a while now. So, I get to have another sonogram in two weeks to check the baby's size and the amniotic fluid levels. So, please pray. I don't want to have a huge baby. Not because of pain or anything. Just because I know this is our last and I want to enjoy her as much as possible while she is little (not that I want her to weigh 4 pounds or anything either). I just love that wrinkly newborn look. It is so precious and tiny. I also of course don't want anything to be wrong with the amniotic levels or anything else. My doctor didn't seem concerned, she just said she wanted to have a sonogram. But I really don't know her well enough to read her anyway. I'm hungry.

25 Weeks

I can't believe I'm 25 weeks along! It feels like the time is whizzing by. Unfortunately this means time with baby will, too. On the other hand, sometimes it seems forever away. But I feel good, and that is encouraging. Just tired. Pretty much always tired. But it's for a good reason. I think we'll start working on baby's room this weekend.

Broken Dreams

My dear, sweet friend miscarried her baby this week at 4 months. It is difficult to explain how I feel. I cannot imagine the sadness she must feel. I hesitate to blog about it because often she will read my blogs, and I do not want to make her feel sad or exposed. But blogging is the place I feel safe to write about everything on my mind and heart. It is sort of an anonymous way to get things off my chest, to lay it all bare. Not blogging about such an important sadness would not be true to myself or our friendship. She means a lot to me.

The hardest part has been seeing her sadness. Not many people in your life will allow you to be a part of their sadness. It is a rare occasion, yet when it happens we pray for grace to know how best to comfort.

That is all I feel I need to say about it for now. I feel deeply for her and pray for God's rest and healing. I pray I can be some small comfort for her. I love you, my friend.

Abigail

Have I mentioned that is most likely going to be the name? We're already calling her that, so I guess that makes it more of a done deal. We decided when we saw the sonogram. So far we're thinking of Catherine as a middle name, but we haven't made any final decisions. She's a cutie! Last Friday she finally weighed one pound! Now she weighs 1 1/4 pounds! There's no turning back now!

Baby Showers and Such

I'm having a shower. Elizabeth is planning it. When did she grow up? I sent emails, but I'm not sure anyone checks them anymore. Or, do I even have the right ones? So, I'm hoping to spread the word...if you live far away please do not feel obligated to come. I'd rather you stay home and we'll visit at Thanksgiving or Amber's wedding. There is no need to drive a long distance only to catch a glimpse of each other, similar to weddings. I'd also rather we get to see you once the little cutie arrives. That way she can meet all her aunties. Now, if you have a trip planned to visit that weekend, and you feel up to it, of course I'd be more than delighted to see you there. So, when you get the invite now you know not to catch a flight from Bermuda to L-.

Let Them Eat Cake

I never knew where this phrase came from until today. Okay, honestly, without peeking how many of you know??? No peeking! I'm going to feel really dumb if you all know this. Jesse doesn't count, and it's possible that Tammie doesn't either.

Marie Antoinette said it when she was told that the poor in France had no bread to eat. Stupidly she thought they had just run out of bread and could pick something else out of their pantry! She had no idea they were literally taxing the people to death while they were living in the lap of luxury. I guess she figured it out later when her head hit the guillotine!

Better Day

Today is going much, much better. I needed a silver lining. Thank you, Jesus! I've decided to engage my mind in a project. A project of this magnitude has not been attempted by anyone, so it could be dangerous. The project...to download and print photos. Sound easy? I haven't done it, well, since Blaine was a baby. So, it's only 6 years. I mean, really, this should be a piece of cake! My new resolution (once this is completed of course)...never to get this far behind again. I can do it. Deep breath. The computer is currently downloading 500+ pictures, and that's just half of 2006!

Say No to Sprouts

I had the weirdest experience yesterday. I ran an errand to Sprouts for a friend of mine. I inquired about their iron supplements because I am in need of one. The lady chided me for wanting to go with the brand the doctor (and midwife) ordered. She said, "I have 14 grandchildren, and this is safe for pregnancy." I wanted to slap her. Pregnancy brings out the best in me. :I I continued to resist saying that I really wanted to check with my doctor first as I know that some herbs can be more dangerous during pregnancy than some medications. And inevitably every natural supplement has some sort of herb or something you should be wary of in pregnancy. You would have thought I told her the World Trade Center had never been attacked by planes. I have never been made to feel so stupid in all my life. She just couldn't believe that I wanted to check with my doctor first. It will be a while before I can muster the courage to walk into that place again. Even the people at People's Pharmacy have told me they cannot recommend certain things for pregnant women.

Anyway, the whole experience went along with the rest of my wonderful day. Maybe today will be better!

Utter Dependence on Christ

I feel frustrated with myself. I'm currently reading an adolescent book, and I think the book applies more to me than to her. All I can see is that I do all the things it talks about your adolescent doing. What in the world? And the more I try to be a better parent, the more I have crash landings! I guess I'm learning more and more my utter dependence on Christ.

Today she was crying in her room over her spelling. I went in to do my parental duty. I'd rather run away, hide in a shell and not care. Sorry, just being brutally honest here. But I went in and asked what was wrong (as if I didn't know). She refused any comfort I tried to give. I'm so like that! Finally, I just told her that I really wanted to help her but I felt like walking out and giving up. I was so frustrated. After that, I felt much better, and I THINK she may have started to listen. Everything is so cut and dried with teenagers. "But you said I have to have the list ready for tomorrow." "No, that was for your regular spelling words. These spelling words are from your writing. Have these ready by Monday." "But I can't. I have to have them ready for tomorrow."

I wanted to fling my arms up in desperation. I've had one minute to myself today; I think it was in the bathroom. I'm tired. And I really, really want not to care. Selfishly, I'd rather be on craig's list looking for a cradle. But I stayed and helped her figure out a way to make the list more manageable. But I can't help but leave the room with the looming question, "But did her heart change at all, or did we just patch things up?" I don't know. Only God knows. All I know is this task is way too hard for me. I've got to have absolute utter dependence on God. I thought of this example years ago when looking up from under a tree. I realized the branches are utterly dependent on the trunk to hold them up. They don't tense up wondering if the trunk will hold them. They just spread their leafy arms and sprawl out upon the sky, soaking up every bit of sunshine they can. Through storm, rain, wind, ice, and snow they are utterly dependent upon that trunk. They know the weight of the trunk is able to hold them down and keep them suspended no matter how far out the bow. I must be as that branch...for He is the vine, and we are the branches.

I'm Gonna Miss That Girl...

...when she grows up.

She's sitting in her room playing Littlest Pet Shop. She has saved her money to buy a new one. Popo bought her one instead. It's a little sea horse with a shell. How many 12 1/2 year olds do you know that sit in their room playing Littlest Pet Shop? She's got KLOVE on, the door open, and I can see her set-up when I walk by. Her room is clean, and her friend just called. I just want to cry because I know these days are fleeting. I will miss this little girl because in just a year or so, she will forever be gone. The young woman she is destined to become will replace the child. She may keep her Littlest Pets forever, and the child-like quality in her will always be somewhat there. But the little two-year-old who set out Fisher Price people and talked to them for hours is slowly slipping out of my hands. I hope when I am old and gray I will pass by that room and remember this moment. Laughter. Sunshine. Hope. Tears. Joy. Kindness. Graciousness. Helpfulness. All the things that embody that child. I hope and pray they will go with her into adulthood. She sure is a treasure.

Zero Gravity Girls Team Places 2nd!!!

The gymnastic meet went really well. My mom and I had a good time driving down together. We got to chat and sit in a little traffic. Not too bad. I helped her find the tollway which she has never been able to find. We ate at Chili's that night. Man, it was good! I had broccoli, mashed potatoes, french fries, and a hamburger. Now before you all freak out, I halved everything with Rebecca. Except the broccoli. I gave some of that to my mom and scarfed the rest. They make really good broccoli there. Try it. It's only $1.50 and well worth it! But it was the best Bacon Ranch Burger I've ever had. I was so hungry. We topped it off with some fresh baked caramel chocolate chip cookies from the hotel desk.

The hotel was posh. A nice king-sized bed for mom and me, and Rebecca had her own little fold out couch with her own tv. She thought she was in heaven. :)

We woke early the next morning to get her dressed and ready. While it poured rain we enjoyed a nice breakfast at the hotel. There is nothing like ice cold orange juice!

My mom thoroughly enjoyed the meet. She had lots of questions about what was going on and how things worked. It's kind of like a circus, and you have to pick where to focus. We focused on our girl, of course. The judge's handed out low scores this time around, but Rebecca shined on the beam. She got her best score ever on beam, a 9.0! Even some of the girls that always do really well on beam only scored 9.4. So I was happy with that. Everything else she scored in the 8 range. But I thought she did really well. I video recorded her routines so she could see them later. This was the best I have ever been able to see her routines. And to top off the whole weekend her team placed 2nd out of all the teams there!!!! The funny thing was I didn't notice it until I saw the coach with a rolled up banner. Kind of embarrassing, but they had pictures to look at on these computers, and I was busy doing that and trying to get done so we could get out of there when it was over. Rebecca came home with 5 metals. She was quite proud of herself!!! I think she was disappointed in her scores but wouldn't admit it.

We enjoyed lunch at Chik-Fil-A, with a milk shake provided by Granny. Then we stopped at Kid to Kid in San Antonio, my all-time favorite resale shop here in Austin. I had no idea they had one in other cities, but there it was right by our hotel! I found a cute nursing cover, some maternity jeans from Motherhood, and a sweater. Oh, and one cute little outfit for only $2! I only spent $20 on all that stuff. I was very pleased. I love that place.

On the way home it rained cats and dogs. We couldn't see the traffic in front of us, so we had to drive real slow and it took forever to get home. All in all, I'm REALLY glad I went with my mom. I think it might have been stressful driving home in all that rain with someone I don't know as well. And...I wouldn't have gotten a wonderful weekend filled with my mother's presence! As proven, God always knows what is best. Why can't I trust Him more when I can't see the end result?

Already Here

"We must never allow our children to believe in a God who is distant and uninvolved, who comes to the rescue only when He hears our cries in prayer. The Bible presents God as someone who is near and active in our lives. The psalmist says that 'He is an ever-present help in trouble' (Ps. 46:1). There is no divine 911 telephone line because God is already here and already active. There is never a moment in which God is absent or inactive. There is never a situation, location, or relationship that He does not rule.....God is near. God is involved. This moment is His moment, where He is actively accomplishing His will. The thing that is most important in this moment is not what we desire, but what He is doing." -Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens, Paul David Tripp

"He is an ever-present help in trouble." The verse really struck me in a different sort of way. I needed to hear that for this week, this time. I feel sometimes every day with my teenager is a battle. Not every moment, just that there will be some battle for her soul and our relationship at some point in the day. How I handle the battle is of utmost importance, even more important than her reactions to me, even more important than respect or obedience or a teachable heart. I desire these things for her, but she is only just beginning to learn what it means to be an adult, and I cannot hope to see these things for a while. And the most important thing in the moment is not what we desire (ie: obedience, respect, teachable heart) but what GOD is doing. If I could just get my arms around that.

God is already here. He is already in the situation at work, in me, in her. He is here this morning accomplishing His purposes in my son, my daughters, my husband, and me. That is amazing.

Crying

I cried about gymnastics tonight...AT gymnastics. That was fun. I then cried all the way from there to Elizabeth's dance class. I sat in the parking lot waiting for her to get done and cried while all the parents walked by to pick up their girls. People tried not to stare as they passed by. I tried smiling to cover it up. I came home with red, puffy eyes making my son and husband wonder what in the world had happened from the time I left home until the time I got back.

I asked a mom from gymnastics to possibly drive me Saturday to San Antonio to the meet. It's just too much for me, and I don't want to get labor pains again. It's too scary. You would have thought I'd asked her for her son to marry my daughter. She's going there anyway...Oh well. All I can figure is that maybe no one has ever done anything nice for her. I even offered to pay for all of the gas to get us there and back. I mean really, what's wrong with this lady?

And then I made the mistake of asking the coach if the meets were mandatory. I told her my situation and what happened last time. She then asked if I couldn't carpool with anyone. Salt in the wound, thank you very much. And then I started crying wondering how in the world I was going to manage to get her there because I just knew I couldn't do it again. And then I was mad at that lady. Stupid really. But I was. I kind of thought she liked me and might be considered a friend. I don't know. I'm too used to my wonderful friends here.

My mom is taking me. Yeah for our wonderful moms! That really makes me want to cry! I love you, Mom!!!

Clothes

I'm in that frustrated state tonight. A frustrated state of, "my shorts are too tight and so is my bra." I'm tired of buying new clothes only to find them "shrink". Now of course we all know that is not exactly what is happening but it feels like it! Babies are hard work.

Pleasant Place

Little baby is kick, kick, kicking. I'm at that pleasant place of pregnancy where you love it so much yet can't wait for baby. But I still can't believe how little she is! Not even a pound yet and I've gained I think 20 times that amount. How can that be? I tried so hard not to, but it is difficult to stay motivated when there are so many necessary things to do. As I was praying about it the other day I sensed God saying that I probably would never be able to do it all. And when the Lord of all hosts tells you that, well you know you just need to give it up and not worry about it. So, I exercise when I can and try not to beat myself up over it. But my kids are educated, my husband is fed, my baby is safe, and I spend time with God (on most days). That is what matters. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you." I have to keep telling myself that.

I miss friends. I have been kind of isolated the past 5 months. I feel like I have hibernated or something. I'm sure I have slept most of it. The rest of the time I have shuttled kids back and forth to their activities. I have this deep desire to plan some wonderful party yet realize I could never pull it off. Or, we'd all be sitting around wondering what to do. I get way too stressed out currently about cleaning, so I've just opted not to do it. I can't handle the pressure. No. Really. I can't.

This Week

Had a little scare this week. Sunday night I had contraction-like something or nothers, pelvic pressure, chills, and it felt like the baby was tap dancing to the Arctic Circle. Monday night was Blaine's birthday, so I really was too tired to notice anything. And then again Tuesday night I just didn't feel good and felt like things could progress at any moment. So, I called the nurse hot line since my nurse suggested I do so at night. She concluded that I probably had a bladder infection and should go in the next day. So, on Wednesday Micah stayed home while I went to the doctor. I actually got to see my midwife, so I was excited and relieved that she would be taking are of something so important. I wanted to make sure I wasn't going into labor. She checked me and everything is fine. Whew. The test showed I do have a bladder infection, so they started me on meds. I was so relieved! So all is well, and we are moving into week 22!

It's A Girl!!!

Or, at least I hope! We've already bought the crib bedding, and it has pink and purple flowers. I'm going to trust that the tech's 30 years of experience will prove her right! I cannot believe I am going to be the mother of 3 girls! Something I would never have dared to ask God for, but am so happy He did for me! I feel so important. Silly really. But, I guess we need to cherish these few moments when we feel as if we have something important to do. Because...all too soon there will be crying and incompetence settling in. But for now I feel as if God has an important mission for me to accomplish in raising these three girls. God help me! I need to be the mouth that speaks truth to them, that prepares them for the road bumps and obstacles of teenagerness and womanhood. I need to be the hands that pray and caress when those road bumps aren't scuttled. Wow! What a job. All you other moms give me courage!

School Has Started

School has started and is in full force now. We have completed an entire week, officially. We've even had our first vacation. Can't beat that. The girls are working diligently this year on writing, something I have neglected for the past umpteen years. I love to write; though, I am not particularly good at it and handing out a writing assignment doesn't come naturally. But, with the wonderful help of Ruth Beechick we have many good ideas to start with. Today they wrote about how they are different from one of their pets. The hard part was choosing which pet to compare themselves to. I was so dang proud of them, and their assignments came out really good! I cannot believe how creative they are. And I was impressed with Elizabeth's complex sentence structure. With absolutely no grammar instruction at all (gasp) she knew the placement of almost every comma and period. She writes very well in my opinion.

Last night I had a dream that Rebecca wrote a rhyme and stood up to read it in front of a homeschool class. One of my good friends commented that it wasn't very good. I couldn't believe she said that, but then one of the moms stood up and said that Rebecca's mom should never be allowed to teach writing on her own. The only problem was that I was assigned to teach writing to that class! I wanted to crawl under a table! I only hoped they wouldn't find out that I was her mother. I guess I have a few fears about teaching writing.

It's 3 o'clock, and we have officially finished school. Blaine is waiting eagerly to play his new computer game from Wendy's. It's pretty awesome apparently.

. . .

This morning Blaine greeted me in the hallway. He looked up from his sprawled position on the floor with, "Wow! That's a big tummy!" Good morning to you, too, Blaine.

Last week we had left-over enchiladas. He takes one bite, says excuse me, runs over to the middle of the kitchen and says, "This food makes me want to throw-up!" We corrected him, and he responded with, "Well, you told me not to say it at the table, and I didn't." He has a point there. That boy cracks me up. I just don't know what to do with him sometimes! You never know what he's going to say. I can't wait for him to start writing. I want to see that boy's thoughts on paper.

. . .

I have been feeling the baby kick, wriggle, and flip for about a month now. It has been amazing. Today especially the little fellow has been going at it. I had chocolate pudding, and somehow chocolate always makes him/her excited. Maybe that means it's a girl? We still haven't decided on names. Catherine is the name we have settled on the most, but I'm still not 100% sure. The boy name is a complete mystery. My dad and Micah LOVE Logan and Cole. I think they are very nice names; I just don't like them for my baby. Sorry. My poor, poor husband. You think I'd at least let him choose a boy name!

. . .

ONLY TWO DAYS LEFT UNTIL WE SEE THE LITTLE BABY!!! Maybe we'll find out if it's a girl or boy; we really hope so and are praying for that! I have a crib in the garage ready to set-up, and a pocketbook burning a hole to buy some kind of cute bedding! Terrible. I'm just praying everything checks out okay on the sonogram. Mommies worry so much. Ugh.

God, Help Us; School is Starting!

Well, we made it through one more gymnastic meet. Apparently, Becca placed 8th or something out of 60. She was pretty happy about that. Seemed to me she was busting out the scores. Not as nervous this time; though, she told me she felt more so. I couldn't tell. More ribbons and medals. If we keep at this pace we'll have to get an entire room to house all this stuff.

School room is cleaned up, maps hung on the wall, whiteboard, too. I even vacuumed, well, sort of. Blaine vacuumed the scrap where they played playdough. We're ready for school tomorrow. Part of me can't wait and part of me is wondering if I can really live up to the "schedule" I've written...at all. Will we even get one thing done, or will the whole thing blow up in smoke? We shall see. Either way tomorrow is coming, and we're as ready as we'll ever be. Good thing is that it has only been 2 weeks since we last did school, so we're not entirely "All-Summer" rusty. That might help. Either way, God, help us!

Three Leotards

WE (ahem, I mean I) have now managed to collect 3 leotards from eBay, all for the same cost as one with tax. That means I have saved $66. I am quite happy about that. One seller even refunded me $3 for overpayment of shipping charges. I was shocked. Anyway, our little gymnastics girl is quite happy that she will now have hot pink, bright red, and turquoise leotards. I kind of overdid it, as Micah would say, "Do we really NEED three leotards?" I guess not. Two would do, but THREE is so much better! I just couldn't help myself. When you see this beautiful leotard sitting on the screen with only 1 hour left and no one has bid on it, and it only cost $4, how in the world do you pass it up? Turn off the computer? Run down the stairs? Go for a walk? Take a cold shower? No, none of that would do. I had to have it. So, thus the story of three leotards.

She had her first meet on Sunday. Not my first choice in days, but I guess we've missed church for worse reasons before...like, "I don't want to go."

The night before she couldn't sleep.

She'd get up every 20 minutes with, "What if I can't do my stride circle...or my handstand...or my kick over...or my cartwheel?"

I wanted to tell her, "You were born doing stride circles, handstands, kick overs, and cartwheels. Now go to bed." But I didn't.

She fell and fumbled many times. I've never seen her so nervous. It was really precious. But each time she got up and tried again by golly. I was pretty much busting with pride at her tenaciousness. Her highest score was on the vault. She scored 9.4 The first time she just hit the board and jumped on the mat. I've NEVER seen her do that. I just kind of stood there with my mouth gaping. Then she ran back and did it again. Her coach said she made up for it by doing her best vault ever, and many times he's complimented her that she does the best vault in class. She came home with a medal and 4 ribbons, so she was very happy. We celebrated afterwards with Chuck E. Cheese! Go Becca!!!

Okay, I HAVE to Blog About This!

"You have probably heard about how pregnancy can leave you more absentminded and preoccupied. Recent study conducted at a British University indicates that there is no such correlation between pregnancy and a woman's absentmindedness. In fact women have been conditioned to believe that pregnancy impairs their critical thinking and concentration abilities so much so that when they make a mistake they blame it on their pregnancies hormones for these errors."-Pregnancy Calendar http://www.welcomebabyhome.com/newsletter_weeks/fetus_week_17.htm

Get real! BEFORE I even knew I was pregnant (and obviously the thought hadn't even crossed my mind), I had:

• left the stove burner on ALL evening (I have NEVER done this before and was appalled that I did so).
• purchased several things at the grocery store I didn't even remember looking at.
• felt like I was walking around in a total haze. I was scared to even drive because I felt like I wasn't paying attention.
• left a candle burning when we went to the store (appalled again).
• it took me forever to remember to purchase something at the store even though I was going specifically for that item.

Come on people, get a grip and put some sense into your pea brain heads! Okay, I got that out. I feel much better now. Who wrote that? A man most likely. Humph.

I have been a busy little bee cleaning out books I never use and putting the ones I want to keep in order. It is such a task. The dusting makes it even more of a chore. But I am thankful for time to do it. The kids were busy today with friends, so I had lots of time and a fair amount of energy. Too bad I don't always have those combinations.

In an effort to collect all of our medical receipts I also cleaned off Micah's desk. Dun...Dun...Dun...The DREADED Desk. It looks better now and much is actually put away. But what are all those computer books? Does he actually use them?

I have also been scouring the Internet for GK leotards for Rebecca. Found one on Craig's list and several on ebay. So, hopefully some of those will come through. They are usually $30 a pop, so anything less is great!

I now have three people in the house with ear infections. What is up with that?! Some relief, please!

Just Stuff!

Glad everyone else can see the pictures because as of yet I have not been able to see the video on my blog. That's weird.

I have managed to clean and put away books in the living room. I have that part ready for school. I have not put away the books from last year that I moved up to the study a month ago (when I had my week off). I have not arranged the school room or hung up the maps I bought 3 weeks ago. I HAVE prayed A LOT.

God provided a really expensive curriculum from a friend. I still have to purchase the other half, but having this half to borrow was an answer to prayer.

I found a fairly new leotard for Rebecca on Craig's list for $10. It is worth about $40. She has her first competition on Sunday, and she must get used to the feeling of the leotard going up her batootie before then. They have beautiful black leotards with Zero Gravity printed in sparkly letters printed on the front. She is so excited and practices non-stop! Dear, LORD, help her, please! She asks me every second if I have heard from the lady who we are buying the practice leotard from. How DO you end a sentence without a preposition at the end? Everyone says not to do it, but they don't tell you how.

The expensive curriculum is a writing curriculum. Maybe they will tell me how.

Sally Clarkson rocks. I heard her at the homeschool conference. Man. She's really amazing. Every parent should listen to her. Every one. Every one. Every one.

The couple we are mentoring decided not to get married. How sad. They both want to, but he is severely depressed and doesn't know what to do. I met with her tonight and tried to offer encouragement. I just pray he goes to get help. It's really sad.

Got to Love Writing

Another book I would like to recommend is Ruth Beechick's "The Language Wars". It is an excellent book for anyone, not just homeschoolers. She has such a wonderful perspective on many aspects of schooling as she was a public school teacher for a very long time as well as a homeschooling parent. She is an expert in many areas including reading and writing. I found it extremely encouraging, and she offered many suggestions for problems commonly run into by parents and teachers. It is not an overwhelming book but rather an easy, quick read. I love it!

Hinds Feet

If you have never read the book by Hannah Hurnard, you really must. It is called "Hinds Feet on High Places". I have the children's version and have never read the unabridged version. It is so excellent as a children's version that I'm not sure I ever will. Maybe it's easier for me to understand. What if I get the big, grown-up version and stare blankly at the page? I NEED illustrations. Anyway, it's about Much-Afraid and her journey to the high places and all the terrible lies and temptations she struggles with. Oh, it is so very good. I have been reading it to Rebecca, but I think it is more for me right now. It helps me at night when I wake-up thinking of all the terrible things that could happen. I remind myself these are only the lying relatives of pity, doubt, and pride. I can then blissfully go back to sleep! I highly recommend it for every worry wart out there, especially pregnant ones.

Today....

We got our little Punkin' back. Ahhh. We're all together again.

So Much Fun!

This week Blaine and I had the opportunity to be alone for 24 hours or so. I guess it's just that kind of summer. We had so much fun. We read. I read to him, and he read to me. A lot. We ate lunch at Burger King (King Burger as he likes to call it). We were hoping for a Transformer Happy Meal but were disappointed with G.I. Joe. He managed to fall in love with the G.I. Joe toy anyway. We went to HEB together and, sporting his BK crown, he walked around the cart while I shopped making all kinds of warrior type noises, making the G.I. Joe fight imaginary forces in the store. Many were on the shelves.

I traced his body on a sheet of butcher paper and we learned about the different parts of his body. Brain, heart, kidneys, pancreas, bladder, gall bladder, and liver. He colored them, cut them out; I taught him how to glue, and he pasted them on. At one point we were walking upstairs, he grabbed my hand and said, "It's fun just me and you." My heart could have burst in two.

Humph.

Blaine and I were talking today. He asked me, "So, Mom, Daddy had time off last week, right?"

"No, son. He went to work."

"That means you were all by yourself!" He says in complete utter disbelief as if, "whatever did you do?" :)

Filtered Light

I got to spend about an hour drawing yesterday and hoping for more of the same today. I've never realized how happy it makes me. I never want to take the time to sit down and do it because it takes so much time to accomplish anything. So I always talk myself out of doing it. But I realized as I was drawing that I couldn't stop smiling and I couldn't stop praying. I think smiling and praying are two good enough reasons for something to take so long.

I am surprisingly starting to miss the kids. Something about mom's post today. I just can't wait to hear their stories about BB guns and bow and arrows. I hope they don't forget one thing. But for now I'm enjoying the peace and quiet. It is so amazingly different without them here. So quiet. So peaceful. Did I already say that?

I did also manage to read yesterday for an hour. I am working on a homeschooling book called "The Language Wars" by Ruth Beechik. It's actually an education book as it could be used for any educational method. It is extremely encouraging and just what I need as we gear back up for school.

Micah and I went on another date last night. We hadn't had one in 3 months, so I guess we're making up for lost time. Afterwards we went to BBB and purchased some curtains for our bedroom. I was so excited! I couldn't believe it took us this stinkin' long. We really shouldn't wait for every 12 years when the kids leave the house. It's really okay to do these things when they're here. It's just so much easier when they're not! They look really pretty. We need to add two more panels and a scarf, but for now it's much improved from what it was---nothing. This morning I slept later (6:35) as the light came in filtered and just so lovely. We felt like we were in a hotel or something.

This morning I shampooed the carpet. Not an exciting thing to do, but it needed to be done. And it's easier when no one is here to step on it. Eventually the carpet will need to be replaced, but this is all I can do for now. Our next project...painting! That may have to wait until this weekend, but we'll see. I spent the rest of the morning at Wal-Mart picking up a few things for our guests on Thursday and some more organizational stuff for the house. Now it's time to rest.

My How the Day Flies By!

The kids have all gone off somewhere, and I am like a mad woman. Elizabeth is at McKenzie's house, her cousin, and Blaine and Rebecca are at Ge-ma's house for camp. I pictured myself lounging around while they were gone, reading a book, sleeping late, etc. But instead I am awake by 6:00 or 6:30 and have a list scrolling through my head of what needs to be done for the entire week. I cannot control myself while they are away. I have scrubbed, thrown out, given away, straightened, and vacuumed until I am worn out. I currently have 10 bags of stuff in the garage to go to The Salvation Army. I have thrown out about 3 bags of garbage from people's rooms. And the sad part is that most of the stuff has been mine, except for the garbage. I have completely cleaned everyone's rooms except Elizabeth's. She keeps hers spic and span. Must have gotten that from her dad. I have finally managed to force myself to sit down after a nice relaxing bath. I stayed in my pajamas until 2 o'clock! I just couldn't take the time to get dressed before I got started.

Yesterday was the mad shopping spree day. I have had a list of errands to run for 3 months now. 3 months! I got them all done and back home by 3pm. Unfortunately I already have another list brewing in my head. Oh well. Micah and I enjoyed a wonderful date at Chuy's complete with a dinner outside. It was such nice weather. Truly a beautiful time.

I have now worked on school stuff for a little while and now I think I will do some artwork. I am really thankful to have this time alone in my own home to do some things that have desperately needed to be done. Thanks, Christy and Mom!

Strollers

A friend GAVE me a jogging stroller. Can you believe that? It is such a splurge, yet such a thing I really, really wanted for so many babies. I have continued to jog a little through the pregnancy, nothing crazy, just a little. So, this was a very welcome and exciting gift. I still can't believe it! And then I found a really cool regular stroller at a garage sale this morning for only $40! It's the kind that can fit into the car and the stroller. I always wanted one of those, too, but I already had a good, working stroller for all the other kids. Now, I can get the fun things I never could before!

Oh, yeah, and Micah bought a laptop. Our life is now complete.

"Real, abiding happiness, in its full sense, can only be found in Him for whom the soul was created." ~ Elizabeth Prentiss

Some Good Things Are Going On

I visited my vein doctor last week, and he said my veins look really good. Which means, I don't have to wear the compression stockings at all this pregnancy! This is a complete miracle because I have worn them with all the other pregnancies, except Elizabeth. If you have never worn compression stockings, thank your lucky stars! You basically have to squeeze your entire leg in an opening the size of a golf ball. No joke. It's a lot of fun when you are 9 months pregnant. At any rate, this is the best news I have heard since the baby news.

We ordered Rebecca a new math curriculum. It is awesome! No more Abeka madness for us. I have her repeating the 4th grade this summer because she needs the practice. She can then start the 5th grade one in the fall while all the information is fresh. I don't have to help her at all!

Elizabeth only has 30 lessons or less of her math and she's done! Whew. We're almost there, and then she gets to start on the computer. I can't wait! She is currently going door to door with her dad selling cookies, fudge, and brownies to raise money for youth camp.

Blaine just cleaned up his entire room by himself. Do you know how big his room is?

We might actually get a family picture made next week.

So far, I have remembered to email or call everyone I need to...I think. It's difficult to know for sure when you can't remember everything.

Overall, I have felt pretty good the past 5 days. A little nauseous and queasy but not too bad overall. Unfortunately that did include a night of throwing up, but I made the mistake of trying to take my vitamin. Oh well. Not ready for that yet. The baby is officially 11 weeks old and has fingerprints!

Whiney Blog

I am so sick of feeling sick! I had such a wonderful time getting away for a few days in Mexia, Texas. It was really fun. It was great not to have to cook when you feel like barfing. But it was such a bummer that I just didn't feel like myself. I wanted to crawl in a hole and stay there for a while. I slept a lot, which is good. But I'd much rather be playing games: Mexican Train, cards, whatever. At least I did feel good enough to play one game of Spades. Somehow I suffered through a game of Kent and Settlers before dropping off into a dead sleep.



I'm at 10 weeks tomorrow. Only a few more filled with sickness to go? I hope so....We hear the baby's heartbeat Monday. Maybe that will give me some courage.



I was so appreciative last night when I had to go to the bathroom. The sudden realization struck me that all I had to do was hop right into my bathroom. I didn't have to stumble over rocks and a creepy forest, just a laundry basket and a fan. :)



The unwhiney part of my blog: I loved that the kids got to go fishing together. I loved that the boys wished they could catch as many fish as their nieces. Lakes and fishing make me feel so peaceful. My dad is a fisherman, so it all reminds me of good times growing up.



It was also great seeing the kids run off and play outside, kicking a ball around, shooting water guns, exploring cemeteries, catching bugs, and tossing stuffed animals around a cabin. They really had a great time. I really appreciate Papa Don and the many aunts and uncles who took care of them so they could fish, try out the swimming hole, and go for a hike. I cannot imagine if I had to do all of that. I would have cratered.

Nausea

Nausea....It hits at the weirdest times. I can eat a super good breakfast, so that is good. But after that it is all downhill. Doritos and yogurt. Last night we watched Bella which is a really good movie, by the way. But the camera action and food made me turn my face away. Wait to the 2nd tri-mester for this one. I have never felt so sick in my life. I thought I was on a marine ship with someone shoving Latin American food down my throat. Oh my. Micah had to tell me what was going on, especially when they were speaking Spanish. I guess that's how blind people have to do it.

Morning sickness seems to be letting up some. I was able to drink a half glass of water with dinner the other night.

I'm hungry a lot of the time.

Mustard potato salad is gloriously yummy.

My veins are starting to hurt a bit more. But at least I have less of them to hurt.

I replanted my shriveled petunias with something else.

I need to figure out what I'm teaching the children next year. No pressure. Just 1st, 5th, and 7th grades.
I need to return library books today.
I need to work on the budget.

How can so many things need me? At least if I'm feeling a little better maybe I can do it.

New Resolutions

I do have a few new & old ones....
1) Finish this darn curriculum we're on, including math and reading
2) Order new stuff this summer
3) Gain as little weight as possible during this pregnancy (don't laugh)
4) Help my girls with spelling and writing
5) Exercise every day during the pregnancy in some way
6) Paint the inside of the house
7) Possibly get new flooring...the carpet is extremely dirty
8) I'd love a new/used couch
9)Paint the outside of the house

Resolutions

Well, Tammie inspired me to look at my resolutions. Honestly, at first I thought with the expectant little one coming there wouldn't be much to look at. But here is my list....Everything with nothing by it means it's done. Now, mind you this list was more for an encouragement of things I KNEW I'd get done! Some are still a little ify.

Teach my children
Teach art at a co-op
Do art for ME
Spend time with friends
Run
Clean my house
Read a book
Knit a scarf
Play with my children
Read to my children
Finish the curriculum we started (working on this right now!)
Start new curriculum after the above
Go swimming
Go on a summer vacation
Spend time with family
Watch Blaine play flag football
Make sure my children can read fluently (Rebecca read a chapter of Strawberry Girl to me today! and Elizabeth has been reading her head off....God did this one, not me)
Watch Rebecca do gymnastics
Watch Elizabeth's hip-hop performance
Teach my children to spell (Working on this this summer)
Read lots of email
Write letters and thank you notes
Tell people when I can't do something (I have done this repeatedly, including saying no to co-op)
Help others
Connect with my neighbors (Ummm...sort of)
Lose weight (HA!)
Replace the bathroom faucets Nope
Fix our van window so that it no longer whistles Yes
Buy different living room furniture Yes
Decorate our bedroom Yes, but still needs curtains
Replace the linoleum in the powder bath Nope
Paint my living room Nope
Play games with my husband
Date my husband
Appreciate my family
Love my mom and dad
Spend time with God
Teach my children to love the Lord with all their heart, mind, soul, and strength I guess we're always working on this one!

And here are the really big ones:
To spend time daily with God (uh, I guess I'll always be working on that)
Run 15 miles a week (Did this for a while this year, but currently no)
Run a 5k (Yes)
Run a 10k (Not going to happen)
Eat one fruit and glass of milk for a snack daily (no way, I'm doing good to get something down)
Eat 5 fruits and veggies every day (ditto, but did it for a long time this year)
Learn the discipline of withdrawing cash weekly (working on this)
Learn to fast (yeah, right, not right now)

We Live in a Great Country

I know there are problems with our country, but this morning I was struck by something so everyday that it was wonderful. Just about every day for the past few years I have seen this Saudi Arabian couple on my morning walks. They are so adorably cute. They are older, maybe in their 50's or 60's. He has a dark, graying beard, and she has dark ebony hair always pulled up in a bun and hidden by her head covering. They wear these really cute velour and nylon Adidas running pants and long sleeved matching jackets, no matter how hot or cold it is.

When they first started walking she walked about 1/2 a block behind him. I don't know if it was just because she couldn't keep up or if it was truly a cultural thing. But at any rate I thought it was pretty neat that she could walk outside and wear a jogging suit. But today it struck me that for the past year they have been walking together, side-by-side. He talks to her, leaning over to hear her. He looks at her and smiles. Sometimes they stop off at garage sales. And I just thought, "what a wonderful country we live in!" Had they remained in their home country I'm not sure they would ever walk together much less speak to each other while on a walk. So, I thought I'd share that little happy moment with all of you. I'm glad I was born here and can have such a wonderful, open relationship with my husband.

I Can't Wait!

For the family weekend!!! I am so excited to do something that will get my mind off things, play some games, talk to all my wonderful family!

How I'm Coming Along

Well, I've tried just about everything for nausea. So far the thing that helps the most is....nothing! And I think I am beginning to be okay with that. Seriously though I have found that NOT drinking at meals helps me tremendously. Eating very small meals every two hours is also helpful, which is very difficult to do sometimes. I love protein and pretty much hate most carbs. I guess that's good. Carbs just sit in my stomach like a rock unless accompanied by the lovely, yummy protein. Sometimes I forget this two hour regime and must stop for fast food while running errands. It is difficult to pack protein to go. Eating in general is just not that fun right now. I guess that's good for not gaining weight.

Generally by the end of the day I am miserable as my stomach is HUGE. I am not kidding. By the end of the day I look like I am 7 months pregnant and feel like it, too. So by the time the nausea is gone, I feel like a hot air balloon ready for take-off. This is some cruel punishment for not having as many varicose veins. This is going to be a long 7 more months. God, help me, please.

Meds

She gave me some meds to help the nausea because I could hardly eat or drink. I only took it yesterday. I just felt too guilty today, and I actually felt much better today. Maybe eating and drinking yesterday got me over the hump. If you feel sick you are miserable; if you don't feel sick you worry that something is wrong. This is really a no win situation. I feel sick tonight which confirms that everything is perfectly normal. :)

My Second/First OB Appointment

I got to see baby today. 6 weeks old, and I could see the little heart pumping. Oh, I'm smitten already! She said he/she is not even a centimeter yet. That's so tiny. Amazing that such a little thing could make me feel so yucky.

The Long Story...

As you all know I have been searching for some weeks as to my health quandry. I have spent countless hours on the phone and in prayer about this. I have visited my family doctor. I finally concluded that seeing my OB/Gyn would be the best option to find out if any hormone thing was going on. To my delight they were able to see me the next day! So I made my appointment, gathered all my medical paperwork including checklists and symptoms. I had a stack!

Micah met me at the office and I met my midwife in the patient room. I was a little overwhelmed with all the baby paraphernalia around. It sure brought back a lot of memories. You see I've delivered two of my babies with them. What a time that was!

I sit down and talk with her for about 30-40 minutes, explaining all my symptoms (the poor lady) and asking questions. She listened so intently, looked at my lab work and suggested I see an endocrinologist. "Your symptoms are just so wacky. I don't know what it is."

"But before we do that, why don't we just check the pregnancy test to make sure it's not positive. Because that would explain everything."

"It would? Pregnancy test?" I don't know why I thought I was peeing in a cup!?

Following my midwife like a little puppy, the nurse exclaimed, "Yep, it's positive." With the biggest grin you have ever seen. I wanted to fall over. Play dead. Anything.

Nancy had her run it one more time. My head was reeling. What does this mean? How could this be? I'm too old for this is all I kept thinking. My three kids already make me so tired, this will do me in for sure! Maybe I didn't write my name properly on the cup. Maybe it was too faint.

I was whooshed into the room and interrogated by my midwife, "So, do you want to do home birth, a doctor, natural childbirth, medication?" "Which doctor do you want to pick?" My eyes were rolling back into my head at this point. Doctor? Why do I need a doctor? Who's having a baby? Me? Oh, my. And then I wondered, how was I going to tell Micah? What would he say? I wanted to throw up. They shoved paperwork and prescription vitamins into a bag and into my hand. Somehow I made an appointment but I don't know on what criteria. I was completely stunned. I'm surprised they didn't have to move my legs for me!

I had 30 long minutes before he came to pick me up. I went back and forth. How do I want to tell him? And honestly I needed that time to gather myself. By the time he arrived I was at least able to smile. He said I was glowing. And there was no thinking involved, the words just came tumbling out..."I'm fine. In fact I'm pregnant!" And the tears flowed. Micah had the most surprised look I have ever seen on his face followed with, "Oh, my Gosh!"

Then he said the sweetest thing, "I always knew somebody was missing." That gave me such comfort in the waiting room. I kept telling myself that over and over because we always think someone is missing when we go somewhere. I started thinking we were a little nuts. But I guess not.

So, today I am completely overwhelmed and not sure I can do this. It somehow brings comfort to write this blog, to remember the story. I couldn't have found out in any better way. It's all so perfect. The story so funny, so ironic. Much more exciting than an at-home pregnancy test! And I keep telling myself that so many people have surprises and are actually much older than I am. In fact, my great-grandmother, my grandmother, and my mom all had surprises (each of them were the surprise and me!) So, somehow I guess it was meant to be. Oh, Lordy!

9 months...

Apparently the doctor thinks I'll be perfectly fine in 9 months. Go figure!

I Can't Believe...

Chris won!!! Rebecca blamed Daddy because Adam lost. She said with tears in her eyes that he didn't vote enough times for Adam.

Update

Well...the brakes are on for now. While I was waiting for my test results (the doc wouldn't prescribe anything without them), I realized I want to check into the root causes of this so-called depression. Can you tell I feel great today? So, I have done quite a bit of research to discover that the adrenal gland, the thyroid, and hormones can all cause fatigue, foggy mindedness, and depression (among many other things). I wondered, "What if this is God's way of preventing me from getting some horrible disease b/c I woke up and paid attention?" You see when I look at the checklist for disorders of these glands/hormones I pretty much fit the bill. I'll spare you all the details. Let's just say there's enough information. Not to mention that my mother and grandmother also had problems in these areas. My mother thinks she contracted diabetes because she did not take her thyroid medication regularly. At the time she didn't understand that these things were connected or how important it was for her to stay on the meds constantly. I mean who knows, she may have gotten it anyway, but an untreated thyroid, adrenal, or hormone can lead to many diseases including diabetes. The solution?

My blood work came back normal...surprise. But he only tested 2 of the 4 TH panels. I don't have the guts exactly yet to ask him for a referral elsewhere, like to an endocrinologist. But if I have to, I will. But I have one more step to make first. A nutritionist/naturopathic physician at People's Pharmacy is going to help me. She was the first person I talked to that actually had a PLAN already in place to take care of these symptoms. Everyone else was kind of like, "Duh...I don't know." Not to down doctors and medical professionals, but come on guys, this is your job. She can do a saliva cortisol test that will measure 5 types of hormone and adrenal levels 4 times throughout the day. It will also measure DHEA. Don't really know or care what that is. Just sounds smart, doesn't it?

She won't be able to prescribe medication if I need it, but she will be able to tell me exactly what I do need. She'll also tell me how fat I am, that should be fun, and how that affects my health. It should be loads of fun! She will also do a thorough blood screening of my thyroid (thank you), my hormones, etc. Sound kind of hokie? They have helped me countless other times, why wouldn't I get their help in this time of need? And, this morning I was on my face asking God for answers. Just anything, please. I want my life back. Is it snowing yet? Sorry, I digress to It's A Wonderful Life. Anyway, the saliva cortisol test has been proven in every other country to be a valid way of showing hormone levels, but not many doctors here accept it yet.

So...I'll keep you updated. It could potentially take a long time b/c they measure the levels on day 19, 20, or 21 of your cycle.

Guess which day I slept all day and couldn't lift a finger? Day 19.
Guess which day I couldn't get the dishes done in the morning? Day 20.
And guess which day I went to the doctor b/c I couldn't take it anymore? Day21.
Yup.
Somethings up, but I don't know what it is. Which comes first, the chicken or the egg?

Feeling Tired...all the time

I feel tired all the time. Well, not ALL the time but almost. There are one or two weeks in the month when I have energy. On those days I get the majority of my cleaning done and go like a mad woman to the mall, purchasing everything in sight. Then when I realize I shouldn't have bought something, it takes me about two to three weeks to wait for the next burst of energy to return the item.

I'm sad alot or at least two weeks out of the month...you can guess which two those are. When asked how I am I ALWAYS reply with, "I'm fine." or "I'm tired." Usually the latter.

I did nothing on Wednesday except go for my walk and take a two hour nap. I wanted to sleep all day on Thursday. I drank coffee to get the dishes done. I skipped my walk today so that I could have energy to go to the doctor. I quit co-op b/c I was too tired. I dread next year and wonder how I will educate my children next year. And I often wonder how I will get our daily chores done in the midst of school. I quit training for the 10k b/c I was tired all the time. I was almost there and could run 4 1/2 miles. How many people can do that? Now I can barely run 5 minutes.

I came home with two flavors of ice cream that I really don't recall looking at. It is challenging for me to focus and multi-task.

Now that I have everyone depressed...let me assure you I am okay. I was sure it was going to be thyroid related, yet deep inside I had a feeling it was okay. My tests have been normal. He suspects this next blood test will come out fine, too. His prognosis is that I need a mild anti-depressant. I'm not happy about this. Not that I need an anti-depressant b/c I suspect he is right, but I really don't want to put this chemical in my brain. And what if after a year he thinks I need to continue? He said it would only take a year. And honestly I really struggle with being known as the woman who needs an anti-depressant. That's horribly prideful. But I shouldn't have to live on caffeine to feel normal, to feel awake. He said it effects a lot of people in a lot of different ways, and for me it seems to be tiredness. He said one man runs marathons and then for days later he sleeps all the time. That sounds like me! I want to wake up and do something fun, but I have no energy. Zip. He did say he could be wrong, so I need to do a trial period.

So, if you read this could you just pray for me to have wisdom? I really want to know what I should do, but more than that I want to feel normal. Not tired. It may be worth it to take this drug to feel better.

Letting Go and Finding Something to Do

It is so absolutely wonderful to not have as much on my plate. And yet...I don't know what to do with myself! Don't get me wrong; I have a list. Somehow it's just getting to that list, finding a way to make it part of my life now. I find myself wondering what we can sign up for. Have I lost my mind? There are just so many wonderful options out there. I'd really love the kids to participate in this speech and debate club I found. They're all about the fact that only 5% of the nation feels comfortable speaking in front of others. I am quite confident that our president and even Bush would not be included in that percentage. Their goal is to flood the 5% with christians. Isn't that awesome?

Other thoughts for next year...it looks like Elizabeth is volunteering herself to continue in AWANAs. I can't believe it. I am astonished. Do you see me on the floor? This year has been so difficult for her. I mean we're talking tears and dread at least for 3/4 of the year. But once she realized I didn't care if she finished her book, that it was completely up to her she relaxed. And I was so proud of her that she kept diligently working on her book and making some progress. And I reminded her that there are lots of 9th graders who are just now finishing the book she is almost done with. AWANA is a hard program.

She is growing up, and she sees many of her friends going on to do Trek and Journey in AWANA so she wants to as well. I am excited about this b/c she will be learning to apply all of the scriptures she has already memorized for the past 3 years (well over 150 verses). It seems she will need less of my help, and that is exciting, too. I have to admit I love this stage of letting go. It is wonderful to not have quite as many responsibilities and things to juggle. The trick is knowing what to let go of at precisely the right time.

Mother's Day

For Mother's Day I was very blessed with a surprise certificate for Sprinkle of Grace! I am so very excited and motivated now more than ever to lose a little weight and trim up a bit. I told Micah the only requirement is that Jenny must make me look gorgeous. Well, I'll settle for decent and happy. No pressure, Jenny. Really. No really.

I found a new website I am trying out called http://www.livestrong.com/ You can track your calories, exercising, and water intake. I think it is way cool and motivating. We have to do what works.

We had a wonderful day visiting with Mom, Don, Brian, Tammy, and Ariel. I beat everyone at Master Clue which was a miracle b/c it was the most chaotic game ever played. But we made it. We enjoyed a buffet lunch with Mom, Don, Jesse, and Tammie. It was a delightful day filled with cute cards and fun times. Thanks, everyone.

Catching Up

So I guess I didn't miss the whole month of April. That's good because I thought I had. We are deep in the trenches of the end of the year! We have...AWANAS awards, the co-op showcase, gymnastics for parents, and a hip-hop performance. And! We're keeping up with school. Wow. I'm tired.

My garden is beautiful. I am pleased as punch with it. We have already enjoyed some lettuce, radishes, and spinach. I just kept looking at it thinking, "This came from a seed!" That's incredible to me! I guess I'm easy to please. Everything is growing, growing, growing, EXCEPT the basil. I am about to give up and purchase a plant. Because...a girls got to have her basil.

My marigolds are starting to bloom, and again I just gape at them in wonder. How could an itty-bitty tiny seed produce something so absolutely amazingly beautiful and colorful? And it actually grew! In my garden!
.....
All my sunflowers have come up and my morning glories. I can't wait to see purty blooms on them, too. Cami decided a hole needed to be where I planted giant marigolds and cosmos, so I don't expect much there. But they have sprouted none-the-less.

Lastly, I found a WONDERFUL math curriculum that I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE. And so do the kids. That's just perfect.

I had a wonderful birthday filled with a trip to the Outlet Mall (found some Crocs for $5!), my dear friend Maura, dinner out to the Olive Garden, Round Rock Express, my parents, and my fabulous husband and kids. It was so over-the-top fun!

Empty Pots & Pans II

I stole Tammie's title b/c I couldn't resist. The irony was just too much for me because that's what's in my garden. Micah called at 8:15 to tell me it was hailing in Burnett and I should put the car in the garage. I managed to get it in without scraping the sides. Then I was on a quest for everything I could find to cover my plants. A few weeks ago the hail completely obliterated half of my garden, and I wasn't about to let it happen again. So, what you have is a garden full of pots and pans. We look like the Beverly Hillbillies! We have a backboard of a basketball net, a broiling pan, a rabbit tray, 4 cooking pots, 2 lids, a strainer, 2 buckets, clay pots, and starter pots. After I got all done I looked outside and laughed. It looks so much like my Granny's backyard and garden.

She never threw anything away, especially if it could be used for something else. Toilets and tubs were reused for flowers. Old washers the same. Tea kettles, pots, coffee buckets, you name it. It all could be used for keeping dogs from digging, hail from squashing plants, birds from eating tomatoes, or catching some rain.

This habit of hers was partly because she had no trash service. If she wanted to get rid of it, it had to be burned. If it couldn't be burned, it had to be hauled away. And when you have 100 acres...I guess you just decide to keep it.

Of course with everything so nicely protected, we received no hail.

Blah!

Maybe it's too much Easter candy.

Maybe it's too much out-of-town-ess.

Maybe it's not going to church on Easter Sunday.

Tweedle Dumb died today (hamster).

I just feel blah. Maybe it's like Tammie said. I am such a take the bull by it's horns kind of person. I don't like waiting on other people's plans. (Which makes it hard to wait on God's plans). And I don't like the way we do school right now. I want something different. I want to change my entire perspective. But...I really want God's perspective. But, sadly I don't feel like doing all the work of reading and researching to figure out what I want to change TO. I just know what I want to change FROM. But it's a start, right? In the meantime I guess I'll roll in my blahness.

Drama!

Oh, the drama with ladies. I cannot imagine what God thinks sometimes. So and so hurt my feelings...I hurt her feelings....will we do co-op? Will we not? What will it look like? We must all visit around and find out what everyone is thinking. I can do classes with you but not with her. I can do service projects with these families but not with others....Blah...Blah...Blah...Can you tell I am a little frustrated? Not with any person just the enemy and how he comes in to destroy everything he can. The ladies are all my friends and all very precious. I don't want to have to NOT be in co-op with them. I just can't do the workload anymore. Is there anything so wrong with that? Sorry to bore you all with this information, but it is what is going on in my life right now and the reason for me not posting very much. It is all consuming!

I have even considered moving to get away from it all! Too bad we just refinanced the house. How's that for conflict resolution? Not very good I guess.

It's times like these that I thank God for a levelheaded husband who can see through all the murkiness and choose to wait on the Lord. God, give me a spirit of humility to work through all this yuck.

My Square Foot Garden

Seed Maniac

This past weekend we created three square foot gardens. We now have a total of 34 squares to plant. And I have now visited and purchased from 3 different stores...several times. We'll just leave it at that.

-I have learned what a GMO is and that I don't want them.

-I have learned what a foot cubed is and that it's heavy.

-I have learned that a tiny little board that is only an inch wide can cost just as much as one that is 6 inches wide and 2 inches thick.

-I have also learned that I love picking out seeds but get overwhelmed when I realize I have to plant them somewhere! I mean, what if it's in the wrong place??? God might not be able to handle it or something! Geez.

Maybe I'll post pictures of our "luscious" gardens before they start sprouting. That way I don't have to give excuse if they don't produce a darn thing.

Hello

I haven't posted in a while and really have so much to say that I can't say any of it. I'll have to get to it later. Somehow it makes me feel better to have a new post though.

"I Have NOTHING To Do"

Was Blaine's first comment to me this morning. I scudded out of my room looking for something to feed the monkeys waiting for breakfast. I like monkeys, so that is not meant to be derogatory.

"I don't know what you can do. Maybe you can play a game."

"I want to nail something."

Well, you won't find any help from me in that arena. You'll have to ask your dad was the blank stare I gave back to him.

It Is Very Sad

To open your blog and see a blank page.

There....

Now it won't be blank.

Today...

• I am letting the kids sleep as long as they want.
• I am only doing fun things.
• Somehow that includes laundry and cleaning the kitchen.
• Somehow that also includes the kids doing their laundry.
• I am packing for a ladies' retreat.
• I might even paint.
• I'm throwing away 100 things.
• I am just being ME.

Tomorrow....

• I will get to hear the author of Calm My Anxious Heart, Intimate Issues and How to Really Love Your Man, Linda Dillow!
• I will have to wake up early.
• I will get to run out in nature with nothing around me but woods for as long as I want and am able.
• I will get to be alone.
• I will get to talk to others.
• I won't have to cook any meals or clean up any messes.
• I will pray.
• I will listen.
• I will study.
• I will be quiet.

Sunday...

• I will get to see my family again!
• Kiss my husband!!!
• Hold his hand!
• Clean up the house from the weekend.
• Do the dishes they left behind.
• Make dinner.
• Oh, well.

Queen Esther

This week I learned that even what we fear the most, God will be there on the other side. I also realized how much I fear.

Esther said, "If I perish, I perish." She did what God asked her to do and didn't freeze from fear of it. If only I could do that. Sometimes it's so hard to know.

FIREPROOF....

Go see it!

A Few Hard Weeks...

I have had a lot of those this year. The kids have been intolerable and I have been ready to give up on schooling forever. Many times I've wanted to pack my bags and hit the road for an extended vacation. It just didn't seem worth it. That sounds horrible doesn't it? But a person can only take so much stress.

And then...

I did my Beth Moore Bible study on Esther. She was teaching on how the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Like in Esther when Haman says to kill, destroy, and annihilate the Jews. That is the enemy's plan for us. One of those verbs would have been enough for the people to understand, but the use of three verbs puts emphasis on how evil and utterly wickedly Haman was and how badly he wanted them destroyed & wiped from the face of the planet. If a man could plan those things, we are foolish to think the Devil isn't more crafty.

I realized that I have been listening to the voice of the enemy. I have been believing that school is too hard, that my kids are impossible, and that I can't possibly do it. God showed me that if He could deliver me from so many other evils He can surely keep me from feeling overwhelmed. I felt like I was hit with a two-by-four, and then I felt like a tremendous weight was lifted from me. Suddenly my children weren't the worst kids in the world, it was just Satan at his old trickery again of lying to me and trying to annihilate me and my children. Hmppff. Someone forgot who was in charge, and it was me.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jer 29:11

If you ever get a chance to do the Beth Moore "Esther" study, I HIGHLY recommend it. It is worth whatever sacrifices you have to make to go there. It is by far the best study I have ever done, and every week gets better. It is amazing!

Debit Cards

Well, so far I have accomplished one more goal this year. I have been withdrawing cash! I am so proud of myself I could spit! It is amazing how much less money you spend when it looks green instead of all plasticy with a red, white, and blue flag on it.

School with Blaine

Blaine and I are doing school this morning. He stops to ask me a question.

"So I'm supposed to color the ones place (does he really know what that is?) pink?"

I walk over to check out what he's doing.

"You're supposed to write a 60 in the blank and color all the numbers with a zero in the ones place...."

He pats my arm, "I get it, Mommy. I get it."

They grow up so fast.

AWANA QUIZ

Elizabeth's AWANA book 4 girls' team placed FIRST on Saturday!
Rebecca's AWANA book 2 girls' team place SECOND.

We are so proud of their accomplishments! Go girls!!!

Pantry Search

After watching the videos I began a search in our own pantry. I realized our raw turkey meat, bread, meat, mayo, chips, and fruit all had MSG in them. Every dressing, sauce, and spice has it too. Many milk products (and even some milk!) has it in there. It literally is in almost everything. I was kind of depressed, but I prayed and went for my regular grocery shopping. Despite my depressions I managed to find a good deal of groceries that did not contain any of the items on the list.

Whole wheat tortillas from Austin, I think. There was only one clean brand.
whole wheat English muffins
Ezekiel bread, my favorite
organic fruit at a pretty reasonable price (apples and pears)
original sunchips
the all favorite popcorn that you pop yourself
I decided to go for raw chicken to cook up ahead of time, slice and have ready for sandwiches. I think it will actually come out much cheaper than lunch meat, and it was on sale.

Eating out is the worst. I'm sure almost every restaurant uses it. That's why everything tastes so good! I am not sure I will be able to resist this temptation unless I watch the videos immediately before going out.

I don't want you all to think I have gone crazy or anything. I had pizza yesterday for the Superbowl and panda express on Saturday. But I figure if we can at least eliminate it from as many factors of our diet as possible, we will be slightly more healthy.

MSG...The Taste That Kills

http://www.foodrenegade.com/2009/01/01/why-msg-is-dangerous-and-where-it-is-hiding/
Here are four videos on MSG that everyone MUST watch. It will take you about 30-40 minutes, but it could save your life. Each one gave me a new piece of information I had never heard before. It is worth the time! MSG can cause a whole list of diseases (including obesity) in infants, children, and adults. MSG and aspartame are known as excitotoxins because they over-excite the brain.

MSG/aspartame can be disguised as:
monosodium glutamate
whey protein
L-cysteine
aspartame
broth
casein or caseinate
glutamate
hydrolozied protein
soy protein
autolyzed yeast (extract)
natural flavors
"spices"
soy lecithin
wax on non-organic fruit!
protein isolate
soy protein extract
soy protein isolate
aspartic acid
equal
nutrasweet
phenylalanine
spoonful
*This is not a complete list, just the ones I have gleaned.

Make Me a Sanctuary

Secondly, I don't know how to say it without bursting with pride. My artwork is hanging up in our new church! How else can I give God glory except to beam with joy and surprise? I feel so honored. I feel so amazed. It seems so appropriate when thinking of my entire life on some kind of timeline put together by God. NOT that I deserve it or saw it coming; quite the opposite. What I thought was going to be a little blip on my radar of things going on this week has really surprised me. It somehow feels like a huge, monumental moment for me. I didn't know the work was going to be going up. I thought maybe they would hang it up in a couple of months, but they went ahead and chose it right away. There were so many better pieces that could have been chosen, but God chose mine! What does this mean? I fear and think it means He wants me to do more. Oh boy.

Without going into a long ordeal...
I look back over my life, and I think about what the Lord has done in me. I went from Christian to hell scum and back to Christ again. He did that. There is no other explanation. When I painted that painting I was not following the Lord, in fact I was probably as far FROM God as anyone could be. I haven't done much since then. In fact I have struggled with, "What does God really want me to do?" How do I give Him glory? How do I begin?

But how appropriate that my "coming out" would be through the church. That He would take this work that symbolizes a time when I was trying to fill myself with everything to fit His space in my heart, redeem it and HANG IT UP. Wow. That amazes me. Sisters, He truly can use the dregs of our life to glorify Him.

My work has never been so professionally matted, framed, and hung before. (I did have a showing upon graduation, but it somehow lacked the spark because it was not a Christ-centered gallery). I don't know. I am just elated that God would choose me to display His splendor in His beautiful new building.
Thank you, God.

2 More Resolutions

With the encouragement of all you racers out there (bikers and runners) I completed my first 5k race this morning. It wasn't anything hair raising, but I enjoyed it immensely. My dad came out with me. It was so fun to enjoy it with him. He walked/ran b/c of a bad knee. But I was so proud of him for giving it a try, and he ran much farther than he thought he would. I hope he feels okay. In fact it only took him an additional 12 minutes to finish!

It was the Frost Yer Fanny race out here in boondocky texas. With a WHOLE 23 runners or something! Woohoo. Let me tell ya they really came out of the bushes for this one. There were an additional 200 or so that competed in the duathlon later, but still...23 people? Let's just say I felt minimal pressure.

My time was a little slower than usual b/c I was kind afraid of overdoing it and not finishing. My main goal: to run the whole way, and I did it! The path was wide enough for two runners, but luckily I only had to pass once. The terrain was mulch and large rocks. Probably not the best choice. Let's just say these people were inexperienced race coordinators.

Race snaffoos included:
1) "You both owe us an additional $10."
"I already paid $25 online a few weeks ago."
"Yes, but we just found out this morning that everyone has to pay $10 for a membership to USAT."

2)"I'm sorry we only take a check or cash."
"I have neither. Will you take a debit card? It says right here you will."
"Only if you are purchasing a yearly membership."
"Dad, can I borrow $10?"

3)Talking to my dad who has run about 25 races and has a closet full of t-shirts to prove it: "We'll be sending your shirt in a few weeks."
Dad: "Blink Blink".

4)Our "packet" included a number and 4 safety pins. Yep. That's a big time race right there. I bet that took them months to put together.

5)Where will the race be starting? It's a really big park.
Staff: "Blink. Blink...we have no idea."

Dad's funniest comment about the whole thing: I was coming back from the restrooms and asked if they had the pre-race talk.
"Yep. They said, 'The race has been called off. We're sorry, but you just bought a really expensive t-shirt."

I'll post the next resolution above.

Worth It

Ladies, thank you all for writing me such sweet thoughts on my discouraging day! I really needed it! I was talking through our week one night with Micah. Crying. Sobbing. Ready to give up. I mentioned to him that we had started praying in the mornings. He said, "That' what's wrong! The enemy is just attacking you for doing this." I knew he was right, but I kinda didn't want to believe it. But somehow my recognition of the very fact broke something in all of us, and we had a wonderful day Thursday and Friday, even with a prayer time. Let me tell you those were some excruciating days between Tuesday and Wednesday!

Last night rebecca was talking to me at bedtime, and she said she had something she wanted to talk to me about. She confessed she had been treating her friend meanly, and that God had showed her that during one of our quiet times. I was sad to hear of her sin, but honestly about to jump for joy right through the roof!

"You mean, all those hard days were worth it? You mean all those tears and frets and worryings weren't for naught? You mean GOD was actually DOING something in all that?"

I was amazed. My friends, even in our weakest points (dare I say: BECAUSE of our weakest points) God is at work.

Am I ready for this week? Surely not. But, with God's help I can be.