I'm feeling Better

It's taken me a couple of days to shake the sadness. But I'm doing better. I watered the dead lawn and flowers. That made me feel better. I guess I thought, "at least I tried." I'm planning a baby shower for a dear friend. Everything's monkeys, and it's so cute! I'll give more details later when she may not be reading this!

Micah and Elizabeth are painting her room. I haven't done a thing! Can you imagine? I didn't know this were possible. I thought my family was only capable of painting with my help. This sheds new light on things...like the living room could get painted without me!

Looking forward to seeing family next weekend. Rebecca has a meet today. I won't be going, but I'm excited for her.

Anybody want coffee? She's selling instant coffee for $30 a box. It's expensive but it contains ganoderma mushroom. Sounds gross, but you really can't taste or see mushrooms in your coffee. I think it's pretty darn good, and I hate instant coffee. Apparently, it makes a difference to spend a little more than on Folgers. (Which I really like Folgers for regular coffee).

I'm rambling and don't really have much to say. But my depression helped me see a few things around the house I want to do like paint, buy lamps, and possibly get a headboard. Oh, we HAVE to have more flowers around here.

That's all.

Sadness and Questions

We lost a dear friend last week. He used to be our next door neighbor. He was only 41. He was dear because he loved everybody. How do you come to grips with that? He knew the Lord. That is our comfort. But it has brought many questions to my mind. A week ago tonight I couldn't sleep either.

one. Is this it? i mean. I have a 13 year old, and I thought maybe we'd have deeper conversations by now. But sometimes I just feel like we're going through the motions. Like we're all just existing in this house with not much going on. Is this normal? Do most households feel this way at one point or another? I pictured us as a lively bunch. With lots of fun imaginable things going on here. Not happening. I kind of think we used to do more fun things when they were little. Now it's all about cleaning and taking everyone somewhere. I don't like it.

two. I still haven't painted my house. That's sounds silly to think about when someone dies. But really that's what I'm thinking about. So it must be important. I want to feel warm and cozy in my house, not like it's some empty shell.

three. R will be gone three nights a week starting next week, and I am saddened to the point that I can't hold back the tears. I don't think we'll be keepin' on with gymnastics for much longer. I know she wanted to go to the olympics, but I think we all know that is probably not very likely. I want my family to be home together every night possible! I want things to go back to the way they used to be before they all grow up and leave the house. Do you ever wish you could grab those days back? Those young days when you ate what you could scrape together. Christmases gone by. Happy days with friends. I miss all of that to the point that I taste bitterness in my mouth. I want us to be together! I might make it to October, and then I don't think I can do this anymore. And how do you come to grips with your kids growing up and leaving? I see now why some parents hang to their kids to the point of making them dependent until they're like 40 or something. They just want things to stay the same.

four. I want to be with friends. I want to be with my family. I want to be surrounded by people who love me and won't ever go away. I know. i can't control that and neither can they. But I don't like this arrangement that people can leave whenever. This is not our home. This is not our home. Our home is in Heaven. God is my Father, and I belong with Him forever.

five. I miss years ago when we knew we'd have park day every Thursday. Now the heat keeps it all away. And for some reason, then I didn't care if we didn't meet. What did I do with myself? I guess I went shopping. Bah! That takes money. Pooh. I wish I could just plop at someones house until I felt better.

six. I love God, and I am amazed at His workmanship. I love my family and my friends. I love my home, even though it feels a little empty right now. I love my little baby and pray God's peace on her. I pray God's peace on my friends, too, right now.

Change is coming

I feel fear grip my heart. Often I wonder if I am living my life as Christ would have me live it. Am I reaching those around me? No, I am staying in. I create my own little bubble, and I keep others out. I want to affect change for the kingdom of God. I want to be there for the brokenhearted, the needy, the ones who need Jesus. But I don't know how. I feel chained to the way I have always done things. But I must break out and do things differently.

When Jesus went to heaven he said that we were to go and make disciples. I am doing that with my children (though i think I could do better), but I am not doing it with those around me. Am I loving the unlovable? We do not know how long they will be here. They could be gone in an instant. Do I stereotype people and say, "They are not the Christian type?" We are all lost. We are all in need of Christ. It is just that we have been found by the Almighty, stripped and made clean and new. That is what I want for those around me. It means I am going to have to get dirty. I am going to have to be uncomfortable. I am going to have to change. Can I do this?

I will pray.

Abigail

You are 7 months old, and the highlight of our life. Your smile not only lights up the room but our hearts, too. Your joy and delight in every little thing is so refreshing.

You love your Daddy beyond measure. In the mornings you would rather look at him fixing his hair than eat your breakfast. And then you wonder why he makes that loud sound when he turns on the blow dryer. It scares you every time, and you look a little concerned. But you just can't wait til he comes around the corner to grab his shoes. Because then you get to smile at him. You have a little plan to catch his attention and steal a little kiss. And it works...every time.

You love kissing Blaine and grabbing his ears. Watching him play basketball or the wii entertains you for hours. He's great about laying down on the floor with you and giving you hugs. He wants to dress you in the cutest clothes possible and empathising when you cry. He sure does love you.

You get excited when Rebecca comes to play. Especially when she's been away at gymnastics you get hyped up to hear her say, "I miss-t-ed YOU!" over and over again. That's makes you laugh. She seems to know just what every baby would want to play.

Elizabeth loves caring for you and comes running when you start fussing. I suppose she's my second pair of hands. She notices every new thing you do and delights in it all. She picks the best toys for you to play with, too. You and her have lots of fun games you play like "peek-a-boo" and "look at the cereal box".

And for me. Well, I love it when you hold out your arms like you could never live another second without me. When I'm not home and you have to take a bottle I'm told you clutch it for dear life and say mama repeatedly. That makes my heart melt like chocolate on a warm day.

You have learned to stand up in your crib by yourself. When Rebecca found you like that we all were in disbelief. But as I stood there and watched you do it again and again I cried. My little girl, my little baby was all grown up. So now you can't sleep in your crib. Why? Because you are 27", and the crib is only 20" tall. I tried taking the bumpers out, but you got your legs all tangled up. So we are buying you a net to go over the top of your crib!

At 5-1/2 months you got on your knees. You still rock back and forth, but yesterday not only did you learn to stand in your crib, you learned to push up to a sitting position. You are working on grabbing Daddy's chair and pulling yourself up. I'm sure you'll figure it out soon. Just a few weeks ago you learned how to get your toes in your mouth. You worked on that for a while, and now you have it down.

Your favorite toys are your electric piano, books, teethers, your rabbit, and your nursery rhyme talking books. You have bitten me a few times with those two cute little teeth. You weigh about 19 pounds and can hardly squeeze into 12 month clothes. You love rice cereal and will eat no other kind of cereal. When you ran out and we bought you some more you were so excited and said, "Mmmmmm" over and over again. You don't like applesauce or bananas. You have tolerated green beans but sometimes refuse to open your mouth. But at least you don't make that face that says, "I'm going to throw up if you give me more."

All in all you have amazed us. You have accomplished things well before any of the other kids. While this astounds me, it scares me, too. I hope you know we love you and think you're amazing even if you couldn't do these things. I imagine God has great things in store for you, and He has given you a wonderful family to witness your beautiful life.

I Love...

coffee in the morning.

little toes...

smiling babies who throw their heads back....

Big toes...

scratching Blaine's back.

snuggling next to my husband.

sleeping...I haven't gotten enough of it lately.

really good blog posts.

the blog world.

great photos.

watching my children grow up. They have been riding their bikes over to a friend's house and taking care of a bunny, three dogs, four chickens, four gardens, and four cats all by themselves! Today they stayed late because they made a mess on the kitchen floor and had to sweep it up. YES!

teaching school.

snuggling with Blaine.

watching Elizabeth brush her hair.

rubbing Rebecca's cheeks when she smiles.

picturing my husband's face.

eating things I shouldn't like vanilla cake and ice cream.

not exercising when I should and then I love it when I start back up again.

making new meals for my family and seeing them enjoy them.

being lazy every once in a while.

reading a good book.

rainy days...wish we had one.

FALL. Will it ever get here?

Watching Blaine's excitement over finding Presidents cards at Target.

Sending my oldest girl to swim with her friend without me.

Seeing Becca's cute little figure from working out all the time.

How Great is Our God

We are all posting on the same days...

Abigail is officially 7 months old today. Boohoo. It's so happy-sad to see your kids grow into healthy wonderful people. But I can't seem to spend enough time with her to feel like I'm grabbing hold of all those wonderful moments.

Rebecca did really well at her first gymnastics meet! We were proud to see her shine!!! Her total score was 34.55 out of 40. She received four red ribbons! I'm quite proud of my girl! (Vault: 8.9 Bars: 8.4 Beam 8.55 Floor 8.7) Only two of her teammates went placement for this meet, and they received first and second place overall! Rebecca will compete for placement not this meet but the next.

I have purchased enough school books to teach 7 children. Now I have to organize them all and find a place for them.

The kids are taking care of our neighbors dogs, cats, and chickens. The chickens have now eaten everything from our fridge, and I don't know what else to give them. I think I'll pull some weeds or something tomorrow. Will that kill them?

I'm planning baby shower games and determined to be creative without corny.

I'm doing a variation on Julie & Julia. I've NEVER had a recipe work out in my crockpot. I've owned it for almost 15 years. Before giving it the boot, I bought a crockpot cookbook; and I'm making one crockpot recipe every day. Today we had bread pudding! Yum!

I love the book "The Ministry of Motherhood" by Sally Clarkson

I have learned what it means that we cannot give away what we do not have. We cannot give God's grace to our children when we have not received it for ourselves. I love the women in my Bible study. They are so awesome.

Abby's Tricks

Abigail is so amazing. I watched her on the floor today and she got up on her tippy toes while balanced on her fore arms. I tease her that she is a 9 month old in a 6 month old body.

While I took a nap on the couch she tried to grab the blanket away from me. She LOVES blankets. I can't wait till she can sleep with one. She could probably use the one Aunt Christy made her because it is tiny, but I haven't wanted to take a chance yet. I'm a little uptight, I know.

She can play on the floor sitting up, bend over to reeeeach for something and sit back up.

She can sit on the floor and get on her tummy! (Wow! that girl has amazing control of her body).

If you stand her up she can hold on to the side of her pack and play.