It Has Slipped...

I can no longer do the grocery shopping. On Monday the kids and I went to HEB, I think the first time in 3 weeks. They pushed the cart, lifted all the heavy stuff. They were super. Well, Blaine did scream and cry that he cut his hand on a pineapple. But I was so nice and patient during the whole thing, refusing to get stressed but to enjoy this little moment. Let's face it, he won't cry about pineapples forever, and he'll probably never touch one again. Everyone in the store thought it quite amusing. I'm glad we could offer entertainment.

Later that day I laid down some and did a few piddly housework items. Then they came. From 2:30-8:00 my uterus contracted. I drank 3 glasses of water and laid down at 2:30 but felt good enough to get up again in an hour. I don't know if they went away. Eventually, at 5:30 I took notice and decided I should probably start timing these suckers. 5 in 30 minutes. Drink 3 more glasses of water, lay down. 5 in 20 minutes. Call the nurse. Stay down. Starve. Finally, at 8:00pm they subsided. I ate and fell asleep. It was stressful and emotional. I saw the doctor on Tuesday and thankfully everything checked out fine.

So, I've been banned. Is it "lay" or "laid"? Jenny???

Starbucks

I broke down and cried in Starbucks yesterday. We were on a date, and I had a little meltdown. As we drove home, cutting our date short, it escalated into a full-blown chocolate fondue party (meltdown). We won't go into details. Let's just say Micah decided that he needed to purchase me 3 huge boxes of Kleenex at Target later that day. All he said was, "Here, you need this." Poor guy. You know we think we have it hard with them, but they really had no idea what in the heck they were getting into when they married us.

We Have Made It...

to 30 weeks. Somehow I feel a sense of accomplishment and relief. I think the next milestone will be 32 and then probably 36. I don't know. I still have to take things super, super easy. My normal pace is so far away from reality right now it is UNREAL. I can do about 1/100 of what I used to do. I can go shopping. That is a good thing, but I am afraid that might be slowly slipping from my hand, too. I hate to say it. But I think once or maybe twice a week is realistic for the shopping arena. Not sure how groceries fit into that. Maybe that sounds like a lot to the rest of everyone else. But when you have the nesting hormone surging through your blood, that is very limited. I am learning to accept it.

I am Learning

That I am not defined by what I do but WHO I am. Not that I've learned it; I said I AM learning. I broke down crying in the doctor's office Monday about. My doc put on her psychologist hat and gave me some counsel. It is difficult to explain because we are ALWAYS, ALWAYS wanting a break as a mother, yet deep down I don't know that we really do. When one can suddenly no longer do the dishes, clean the house, make dinner, do her own laundry, make her own bed you feel sort of...useless. It's weird. I think because there is no choice in the matter. When we "vacation" we're CHOOSING to take a break from those tasks. When we're sick or way-too-pregnant-and-too-much-activity-gives-me-contractions then there is no choosing. It is forced upon us and we suddenly have to face the demon staring at us in the closet, telling us we're worthless. But thankfully I have wonderful friends reminding me that I'm making a baby, a life that will forever live into eternity praising our Lord. But I am still learning.

Medical Reports

I'll keep it short because I feel I've repeated the story many times over. My glucose test came back abnormal. I'm good with it, and I will go see a nutritionist on Thursday and every two weeks thereafter. The diet has proven to be a very good thing for a lot of people and their babies. I am hoping it will mean a smaller baby and a smaller me.

Had a beautiful baby shower on Saturday complete with lots and lots of goodies for baby. It is wonderful to have these wonderful things during all this other stuff going on.

I Love the Smell...

of the heater being turned on. Isn't that silly? It's just so nice and cozy. I love watching the kids play in their rooms, wearing my socks, and just knowing everything is good in our world. Thank you, God.

My Little Nest

Each day I feel a little better and can tell a huge difference. I am hoping on Monday she will release me for light exercise. I can hardly stand not moving. I drink a lot of water just so I can walk around. I also try to run one errand a day to get me moving. Sad isn't it? How many people do you know who go to Target to get exercise? I'm the slowest person there, but by golly I'm walking.

God has helped me emotionally feel much better about the many different outcomes that could come of all this. He is helping me trust Him regardless of what anyone says. That is a tremendous praise. I realize I only have two more months of whatever it is they make me do, so it won't be forever.

I think I just worked myself to death over here. Sorting, shopping, organizing, cleaning out, planning, etc. I had no idea I wasn't 28 anymore and couldn't handle it on top of taking care of three others who are quite grown. The good news is all three kids are now able to clean the house head to toe without any of my help. If needed they could do it all in a day. They can do all of their laundry without any of my help. And now I have them making breakfast while I sit at the table directing them. (They complained about eating cereal every day, so I fixed that pretty quick. Now they get to work for their breakfast, and you know they haven't complained since). We haven't had to add them making dinner because a few people have brought us meals, and we seriously had pizza three nights in a row. I had spinach salad instead. I've discovered that's a very easy meal to assemble with garbanzo beans. Yummy.

Now that I'm not doing as much the house is ransacked. I have energy for my one errand and then I come home and lay down for two hours. Somehow in there we get school done. I need time today to get everyone to put their stuff away. Now, who will put mine away? I don't think that's going to happen. And I have so much stuff to give to so and so. And so and so doesn't come by. And it all just piles up in the living room. I want to scream or cry maybe. My little nest is falling apart...and I wonder where in the world we will fit all the baby stuff? We need some serious help over here. I need my husband, but he is tired and busy. He has an extra job making a website for a friend. The money will pay for the delivery. On top of that he is STILL taking Blaine to flag football practice and a game. Then comes Thanksgiving. I'm really not seeing any free weekends here for work to get done. My poor little nest!

Everything Okay

Just wanted everyone to know I am feeling a whole better. I am still needing to take is super easy and rest a lot. I'm about to go do that now. I'll get test results back later this afternoon, so that will give some definitive answers of a sort. Either way the contractions have gone away completely and I do feel a little like myself again. I was able to drive to the doctors with only one contraction and was even able to stop at Babies R Us to pick up a present for a friend and welcome home outfit for baby. I can just tell I tire a lot more easily and need to be in a horizontal position! Even sitting is not enough; though, it is better than standing.

Hoopla

Contractions and more contractions. They have me counting them per hour which is really fun. I've had too many for two days in a row. Put myself on partial bed rest. Lots of movies over here. Seems like two weeks since Monday. I've cancelled everything in my life, as if I had something to cancel anyway.

Nurse didn't like that I had more contractions last night, so I have to go in first thing in the morning. I hate all the hub-bub. I just want to go to Wal-Mart or Target. Target would be better. In time. Of course this may mean we do nothing for Thanksgiving or Christmas. I'm trying not to think about that. I woke to images of our kids going on a hayride to get our Christmas tree and me staying back home. Tear.

My good friend is in the hospital with weird electrolytes. So much going on. God help us all because we're like the blind helping the blind.