Utter Dependence on Christ

I feel frustrated with myself. I'm currently reading an adolescent book, and I think the book applies more to me than to her. All I can see is that I do all the things it talks about your adolescent doing. What in the world? And the more I try to be a better parent, the more I have crash landings! I guess I'm learning more and more my utter dependence on Christ.

Today she was crying in her room over her spelling. I went in to do my parental duty. I'd rather run away, hide in a shell and not care. Sorry, just being brutally honest here. But I went in and asked what was wrong (as if I didn't know). She refused any comfort I tried to give. I'm so like that! Finally, I just told her that I really wanted to help her but I felt like walking out and giving up. I was so frustrated. After that, I felt much better, and I THINK she may have started to listen. Everything is so cut and dried with teenagers. "But you said I have to have the list ready for tomorrow." "No, that was for your regular spelling words. These spelling words are from your writing. Have these ready by Monday." "But I can't. I have to have them ready for tomorrow."

I wanted to fling my arms up in desperation. I've had one minute to myself today; I think it was in the bathroom. I'm tired. And I really, really want not to care. Selfishly, I'd rather be on craig's list looking for a cradle. But I stayed and helped her figure out a way to make the list more manageable. But I can't help but leave the room with the looming question, "But did her heart change at all, or did we just patch things up?" I don't know. Only God knows. All I know is this task is way too hard for me. I've got to have absolute utter dependence on God. I thought of this example years ago when looking up from under a tree. I realized the branches are utterly dependent on the trunk to hold them up. They don't tense up wondering if the trunk will hold them. They just spread their leafy arms and sprawl out upon the sky, soaking up every bit of sunshine they can. Through storm, rain, wind, ice, and snow they are utterly dependent upon that trunk. They know the weight of the trunk is able to hold them down and keep them suspended no matter how far out the bow. I must be as that branch...for He is the vine, and we are the branches.