A Story Worth Telling

     I am currently reading bits of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Josh Harris.  My daughter is 16.  Enough said?  I am prayerfully trying to prepare her for the journey of relationships she is about to experience, whether under my roof or not.  I realize I have little time left to truly mold and shape her thoughts, which will in turn affect her behaviour.  I like to skip to the end of books, especially if they're boring or baffling me.  This usually only occurs in self-help/spiritual books.  It's part of me letting go of being a perfectionist and learning that it's okay if I don't like the way an author lays out a book or the last chapter I read leaves me a little stunned.  It's OKAY. I don't have to like everything they say or understand the full intent of the author.  Just understanding their heart is enough.
     While this book is extremely good for youth, it can be summed up in these few sentences, "Follow hard after God, with all your heart, and along the way, look to the right and look to the left...who's standing next to you?  In the meantime don't get bogged down with who's not looking at you or who is.  What is God pouring into you, and what are you giving back to Him?"  Thus I got frustrated tonight and skipped ahead to the chapters that sounded interesting to me.  I'm sure the others are important, but when your daughter is not saturated in a culture of flesh-eating men....well, I felt I needed to cast some vision instead of alerting her to all the dangerous do's and dont's that she might need to deal with along the way.  There will be a time for all of that, but I think I was scaring her to death.  Isn't that a wonderful problem to have?!  I think so!  (BTW, chapters 14-16 are REALLY good!)  And then in honor of Valentine's Day, I felt compelled to tell a little of my story, which is really God's story of redeeming love and forgiveness, guidance and rest.  I hope you find it refreshing and encouraging to your soul as well.
     It was the second day of school, my junior college year.  I had floundered my way relationally through the first two.  I had practically given away my heart and soul the first year to find my soul dead and lifeless, not only to myself but to God.  I had rummaged through boy after boy my entire life looking for something only GOD could give: love.  Love comes from God and no other.  Even in marriage, my friend.  But I wanted it so bad.  I just couldn't grasp it because it was like trying to hold sand in your fist.  But God was lovingly, gently calling me to open my hand and take His. 
     I moved my second year of college.  Leaving behind a small campus and bad memories was a good idea.  I needed that.  Unfortunately, I took bad ideas with me.  It wasn't long before my longing for love  acceptance, & closeness had me trapped like a steel door...again.  I had changed locations but had no change of heart.  Pretty soon God got a hold of me.  Thankfully, He had a plan for me and didn't let go until He got my attention. 
     At a women's retreat I began to see that there were young men out there who treated girls differently (it was a Christian college campus).  They treated them with respect and dignity and most of all they loved God above all else.  I honestly didn't know this existed!  It began to pique my interest.  At that same retreat I told God I wanted to live for Him and stop playing the Devil's games.  He told me I needed to make some hard choices.  I had a boyfriend who "said" he loved God, but I knew deep down he didn't.  It was only to keep me hooked.  He wanted to marry me and I had consented that I would someday.  After that retreat I went home and told him the deal was off, we were only going to be friends.  As you can imagine he didn't like that very much, especially for his egotistical brain.  In his mind I was created to please him and do his bidding (I've since come to learn what an unhealthy relationship this was).  Honestly, he scared me a little, so I backed off a bit.  I told him we weren't going to get married, but we could continue dating.  I was biding my time until God intervened, and I believed for the first time ever that He would!
     Going back to that second day of school, I knew if I was going to be able to stand firm in this walk of faith I needed Christian friends.  I could clearly see that my failings in the past had been because of my lack of accountability and fellowship with other believers my age.  But honestly, I didn't know what to do. 
     Then it occurred to me the thing I had forgotten to do all these years was to pray!  So, on my way to my first class for the day, I prayed God would give me Christian friends.  Now, remember, I have been at this particular campus for one year, and I was even staying in the same dorm room. 
     As I finished my prayer I saw a friend, the only one I really had, named Booker.  I yelled out, "Hey, BookMAN!!!"  As the words slipped out I wanted to draw them back in.  How embarrassing to call him that!  It's like I had amnesia on the second day of school!  I had seen this boy every day for an entire year (we had separate dorms but a co-ed lobby, and he hung out there EVERY day) and I couldn't even say his name right!  All he did in his typical fashion was smile and wave, saying nothing.  Honestly, I'm not sure I had ever heard Booker say more than two words.  He was shy and quiet which didn't quite match his full name:  Booker T. Washington.  At any rate I decided to follow Booker.  He was fast though!  I raced down the stairs leading out to the main street and through the quad.  I finally caught up to him only to find him standing behind a table with a cross on it!  I asked him, "What is this?"  Now, I imagine that is a question that all of us Christians long for someone to say to us.  Can you believe those words came from my mouth?  Well, they did.  He just smiled and mumbled together enough words for me to make out that it was a Christian group that met together for Bible study and fellowship.  Then somehow in his Booker fashion he pointed me to a group of young people standing in the quad talking to various people.  I turned around and met Lisa Ladd (who would one day be my maid of honor!), Mark Masterson (who would one day be my husband's best man!) and Micah Lichtenstein (I guess you get the point of the story).
     All I remember was locking eyes with that blue-eyed blond haired boy and thinking, "Frat boy.  He'd never talk to me!"  And secretly I didn't want anything to do with a frat boy.  I think I associated good looking boys with fraternities.  Now that I know Micah as I do, I know he would never have anything to do with a frat either!  But I'll never forget seeing the blue of his eyes for the first time. 
     Micah and Mark invited me to their Thursday night Bible study, which I found out had been going on for fifteen years or something.  I was a little tiffed that I hadn't found it earlier!  If only I had prayed earlier, what grief might I have been spared that previous year?  Lisa and I began leading Bible studies together, oddly I was considered "mature" because I grew up in a Christian home and had a fairly solid knowledge of Scripture and truth.  But also, I think they could see that I truly, honestly wanted to follow God.  And leadership was just the thing I needed to force me to make some continual hard choices to follow God.  I began writing pages and pages of Scripture and taping them to my dorm walls.  I prayed constantly for God to remove the plagues of lust and desire for affection and attention to leave.  It was a constant battle.  There was no one in particular these thoughts were directed towards, I just craved it so very much.  Having my boyfriend back at home allowed me the time to do all the praying I could, and my life took an entire 180 degree turn.  I began to see that only God could fill the desires I had.  And I began to give over my desire for a husband and love.  Suddenly, if God didn't want me to have those things, I didn't want them either.  Little did I know Micah was going through the very same thing! 
     During our Thursday night meetings I began to go back to the person I had been in my youth.  I soaked up the worship and saw through the facades so many were holding up.  I used to be one of those.  But God was allowing me to be honest with the other girls in my circle, particularly Lisa.  I shared with her the deepest, darkest secrets of my heart, the places only God had seen.  She prayed with me, she believed in me like no one else ever dared.  She believed God for me.  And slowly I began to see transformation.  And I met older couples, too.  Our college ministry was connected to a local church and through the encouragement of our college pastor I met older couples who loved God and loved each other.  Their relationships were authentic, not petty and backbiting like the ones I grew up with.  One woman in particular mentored me and encouraged me to mentor others.  I'll never forget the time she invested in me.  I will always thank God for her.  She played a major role when I began to find interest in that blue eyed boy in the quad.
     One particular Thursday evening, during worship, I looked up and saw this young man worshiping with all of his heart.  He didn't care who noticed, not even the "cool" kids who were just playing the religious game kept him from raising his arms and singing with all of his might.  I thought to myself, "I want to marry someone like THAT!"  It's funny how ironic God is because the instant I thought those words I noticed it was Micah.  I look back now and realize that was the first time I was attracted to his SOUL.  Not his physical self, but his soul. 
     A day or so later I found myself in the food court about to sit down and who would come up to get napkins at the same time but Micah.  He introduced himself again and in my not so graceful, typical way I said, "Isn't that a girl's name? (I knew a girl named Mikah)."
     "NO," he replied gently. "It's in the Bible."   So much for my knowledge of scripture.  But you can better believe I went home and looked it up...eventually.  We sat together and ate lunch that day.  It was such a pleasant talk about normal things and life.  I walked away from that conversation thinking, "Wow, I didn't even 'like' him."  My way of life had been so messed up that every boy was  a potential husband.  Geez!  So, realistically, that was the FIRST conversation I had had with a guy that was purely friendship based, EVER.  It's extremely ironic that I went on to marry this fella!
     Time passed and he asked me to help him make signs.  I couldn't figure out why he needed help making signs, except that I was an art major, but I figured Mark required that we do it together so I conceded.  I never actually helped him, which was probably a God thing.  I imagine I would have jumped to second base before we even got out of the bleachers!  But he did declare to me one day that he had the signs in his car and he would go get them if I would help him hold them to direct students to our Student Life meeting.  I obliged again thinking Mark had directly told him he wanted me to help.  I figured he wanted a girl and a guy to draw the attention of both genders.  I remember remarking, "I don't know why he needs helping making signs!" only to hear my friends snicker.  I guess they could see something I couldn't.
     That night we held signs and I suppose the thought began to occur to me that he could be interested, but before the words could completely form in my mind, another pretty girl strolled up to greet us.  She obviously knew him from the previous year and he stood and talked to her the entire time!  It seemed like an hour, but I honestly don't know.  That pretty much clenched my thoughts on the whole matter.  I figured he wasn't worth my time and I must have lost my touch!  No one had ever ignored me before.  (I found out later that he was actually so nervous that he kept the girls attention because he didn't know what to say to me!).
     He began calling me around 10 pm.  I had early morning Art classes at 8 am.  I had to shower, lug all my art supplies way across campus, and be ready to be amazing for 3 hours straight.  So, I went to bed early almost every night.  I couldn't figure out why he was calling, but he always made some excuse as best as I can remember that Mark needed us to do something or he had a question about some ministry we were about to do.  And I always pretended to be awake, but I really wasn't until he called.  We planned dinners for international students, BBQs, pizza parties, a rodeo, all kinds of things.  We were busy!  And Mark made sure to always include both of us in the planning.
     Every Thursday night we all hung out at Grin's after our big meeting.  We had the best time.  Mark would witness to every waiter/waitress and the owner.  In fact he and the owner had a long standing conversation that would stop/start with each Thursday night's meal.  Once in particular I remember sitting directly across from Micah and we struck up a conversation for the entire time!  I couldn't tell you what it was about, but I suppose it had something to do with our walk with the Lord, our family, our likes/dislikes, etc.  It was the first long conversation I had with him one on one, but I remember feeling as if no one else existed.
     One day he asked me to Subway.  Now you have to remember that I still have this boyfriend!  Up until this point I had done nothing intentional about my friendship with Micah.  He had done all of the pursuing and honestly I was in the dark about the whole thing, which was very unlike my character!  I conceded and walked to Subway with him (we walked everywhere in San Marcos because it was too far away to get your car and you'd lose your valuable parking space).  But I knew I was in quite a predicament.  I can't remember if I had told him I had a boyfriend, I don't think I had.  It was something I wasn't very proud of.  But I did know that if I accepted a sandwich from him, this would be a "date".  And I couldn't have a "date" if I had another boyfriend!  So even though it was lunch and I was starving and had to walk all the way back up the hill to more classes and even work at the School of Liberal Arts, I told him I wasn't hungry.  He shrugged his shoulders and bought a sandwich and ate it.  Now he feels so badly that he did this, but my sense of integrity-even as twisted as it was-would not allow him to pay for my meal.  So we finished and left.
     It wasn't long and my boyfriend began to realize I was becoming estranged.  He even drove the three hours to my campus to check on me.  That creeped me out to think that he could be watching me at any given moment.  And one night when we were at Grin's he called me...at Grin's!  (This was the time before cell phones were small enough to carry around.)  It scared me that he knew where I was, and he proceeded to speak very rudely to me on the phone.  Looking back I can see how dangerous this relationship was, and I wish I had seen the warning signs years beforehand.  I could sense Micah feeling a little protective, in a servant/brotherly sort of way.  He was not happy with the way this guy was treating me.  I left immediately, went home and prayed.  It was another one of those prayers I wondered why I hadn't prayed earlier.  I prayed God would help me break up with him for good.  As the words left my heart, the phone rang.  I reluctantly picked it up, hoping it would be Micah, but knowing it wasn't.  My boyfriend stated point blank, "I want to break up." 
     "Okay." I retorted.
     "I'm just kidding."
     "Well, I'm not.  I've got to tell you that there is someone I may be interested in.  I'm not sure, but I want the opportunity to find out."  And that was it.  God did the whole thing.  I never had to deal with that guy again, except when Micah was around!
     I told Micah my story I'm sure.  In no time at all he prepared a picnic and came to my work.  By  now he knew my schedule and when I'd be there.  We piled into his Buick (it was old but I was impressed that he had a car-unlike every other loser I knew) and headed for the San Marcos River.  We found a place in the park to put out a blanket and I nervously sat down.  I knew I was in a dangerous place of making just as many mistakes as I had made before, and he was so nice, I really didn't know how to behave.  At this time in my life there wasn't much left of the shattered pieces of my heart-I had given too much of it away-and what Micah was seeing was the shattered remains of a person trying to control their own destiny.  God was slowly rebuilding, but what we didn't know is that it would take a very, very long time.
     He pulled out his basket and to my amusement, he had two different kinds of sandwiches, fruit, yogurt, and toilet paper for napkins.  I could tell he was sincerely trying hard to serve me as best he could.  And NO ONE had ever done this for me before.  I was utterly amazed while laughing on the inside.  Toilet paper?  I kinda wished he had just skipped it.  We could wipe our mouths on our sleeves for all I cared.  But this was all a hint of this man's amazing ingenuity.  Before we ate, he took my hands and we prayed.  I was probably a goner at that point, because I could literally feel our hearts being sewn together-whatever little bits of mine were left.  But I remember decisively guarding my heart, too, for the very first time. But when God is doing the work, there is almost nothing you can do to stop it, and I was a willing servant ready to go wherever He led.
    They say when you pray with someone, that is the most intimate thing you can do!  And I believe it.  It is literally the most intimate way to connect with someone because our souls last FOREVER.  Now, I'm not saying not to pray with others, just be careful about whom you choose.
    We continued to hang out in the group, going to Bible studies, ministering in our purely girls or guys Bible studies.  Once in particular we made a long trip to Waco for their mission conference.  Mark promised it would change our lives, and in many ways it did.  Micah and I sat up front, I think we secretly knew it was the safest place to be!  But our job was to keep Mark awake, and Mark made sure to always make Micah his right hand man.  I'm sure he could see Micah's attraction to me (they were roommates) and this was a wonderful way to keep him accountable.  So we talked the entire 2 hours to Waco about everything under the sun from our families to our hopes and dreams.  It's funny to me now that Mark was sitting right there, I'm pretty sure we ignored him most of the time!
     Alongside spaghetti dinners on Sunday night with our friends, he took me to Hastings alone once.  He wanted to look at music, and I had not the slightest bit of interest.  But I did want to know what music he was interested in.  I came to find out he was quite a music buff.  If it wasn't country or on the Christian channel, I had no idea what it was.  But as we were thumbing through Cd's my elbow brushed his arm and I seriously felt electricity.  I had never experienced anything like it, and it thrilled me and scared me all at once. 
     Before long we began to go on walks along the San Marcos River.  Day or night we always found a moment to steal away and soak in the beauty of that town.  Along one of the very first walks, he took me down to the fish hatchery pond.  We always had a purpose and once that purpose was fulfilled, we high tailed it home.  I guess it was the safest way to keep our relationship pure, but I'm not sure exactly we realized this.  God certainly orchestrated all of it.  As we were walking along, rather in close proximity, he reached down and took my hand.  I was so scared he hadn't really meant to and that he had only brushed mine to find me grabbing at his or something.  I nervously walked along for a minute wondering if it had been his intention or mine.  I found out later, he definitely meant it and I had no need to worry.  I'll never forget the beauty of that night.  Micah took me places I would never have gone because I was too afraid or didn't know they existed.  Even though I was an artist, he introduced me to sunsets and rivers and ponds and fields of flowers.  He wrote me poetry and took me to beautiful landscapes I didn't know could ever grace this world.  He introduced me to orchestras and operas.  And he made it all the more better because he was my friend and he was with me. 
     The first time he met my dad he told him he intended to marry me.  This was news to me!  But it made me smile and I realized that all this time together really meant something to him.  He wasn't just toying with me.  And he never tried anything physical with me.  He held my hand, and he did kiss me after reading I Cor 13 to me and telling me he loved me. Honestly, that was the moment I knew he was the one.  But I remained cautious. 
     I met his family Thanksgiving weekend and loved them immediately.  They were homey and sweet.  His mom took me up to the school room, and I immediately burst into tears.  I had only met this woman ten minutes ago and now I was bawling like a baby right in front of her! I had never heard of homeschooling or seen anyone do it. I just knew that I wanted to teach my own kids someday, and here was this woman who did it!  It was as if my dream were being played out in front of me.
     As our relationship progressed we began talking about marriage, with reservation.  Neither one of us wanted to do anything that God was not orchestrating.  So we waited.  But in my mind I had a picture, sort of like a vision, of us standing before someone and he was prophesying over us.  I didn't know exactly where this fuzzy picture came from, I told no one and tucked it in my back pocket of thoughts.  Eventually, Mark planned a mission trip to Mexico for all of us.  We headed out to a local church to help teach Sunday school, paint a huge floor, and do some other repair work.  Mark had been in touch with this church and its people for years.  It proved to be a trying experience for me.  I had been to Europe in high school, but living without running water was a totally different story.  I was used to a Greyhound bus ride, and this was nothing of the sort.  I don't know if Micah noticed I was less than pleasant a few times on the trip, but it was a good dose of reality for both of us.  The guys slept upstairs and we stayed downstairs.  This made me completely nervous because I knew they could wander down at any moment.  Thankfully, they were upstanding young men and kept their mind on the work at hand. 
     You have to realize at this point I knew Micah was the one for me; however, I still had reservation.  I did not want to do anything to step out of line with God's will.  I had written a list of qualities in a mate: 1) To love God above all else, even me.  Even if that meant he wouldn't marry me because God didn't want him to.  2) Forgiving spirit-not holding anything over my head as past boyfriends had done.  3) Tall  4) Loved to play games.  There was a fifth but I've since forgotten it.  Now if you know Micah he is the most forgiving person in the world!  He can lead our children through forgiveness like no body's business!!!  He has countlessly forgiven my faults even when I didn't want him to!  The height speaks for itself.  And games...my aunt played games with me as a child, which spoke love to me.  As a pseudo only child I had very few people to play with growing up.  I lived in a neighborhood with no friends, so I played alone a lot.  I think this played into my desire for affection and attention from boys.  At any rate, if you know his family, they all play games-CONSTANTLY.  So, God not only gave me a man who likes to play games but an entire FAMILY!  And we've been able to bring a little bit of that to my side of the family as well. 
     While in Mexico we found ourselves in a Sunday school classroom.  Mark told us we were getting a special treat.  A prophet was going to come talk to us.  I immediately put up my guard and wondered exactly what kind of prophet he would be.  But as he began to speak I knew he loved the Lord and it would be all right.  Almost immediately he walked over to Micah and I and had us stand up together.  We were sitting next to each other but not any closer than anyone else, and we had no time that entire week to show any indication of our feelings for each other.  There was even another boy sitting on my left! I was equidistant from both of them.  But immediately I knew this was the "vision" I had been given in my head.  He began to pray over us and prophesy that I filled holes in Micah that no one else could fill and that he filled holes in me, too.  I was baffled.  We sat down and he continued around the room praying for others but individually.  He did tell Mark (who was in his late 20's) that he would meet a girl someday but that she wouldn't notice him but he would notice her.  We all teased him about that later!  (and about 10 years later that very prophesy did come true when he met the woman of his dreams, Dayna Curry). But strangely the man came up to me later that day and said, "I don't usually do this, say anything about this kind of stuff....but you know you're going to get married don't you?"  I replied that yes I knew.  And he said, "Well, it will be before the end of this year."  It was spring!  I couldn't believe it!  But in my heart I was relieved.  I had the confirmation I was waiting for.  We were being so careful because we had messed up so badly before.  We wanted to get it right, and God honored that.  He even confirmed the confirmation by giving me a picture of it beforehand!  I must be extremely stubborn to need so many signs!
     Of course I shared this with Micah.  At this point we talked about everything.  He even knew of my bleak past and extended all of the forgiveness I so desperately needed.  He was Jesus with skin on!  We also told our parents about it to see what they thought.  They all wholeheartedly agreed that we were making a good decision to marry and that God was in it.  Later that summer Micah got a job as a programmer and that very night he called my dad to ask for my hand in marriage!  We had previously picked out a ring and unbeknownst to me he had stopped at the store and picked it up on the way home!  The next morning he planned another picnic, this time in his front yard.  We argued about where to keep the mayonnaise he had just bought.  I'm sure at that point he questioned what he was getting himself into, and wisely so! 
     In the late morning we sat on the blanket underneath the most beautiful, brilliant blue sky and he began to tell me how much he loved me.  I started commenting on the clouds rolling by, not wanting him to propose without the ring.  I couldn't believe he could be so obvious, but I have come to figure out that is his way!  And to my surprise he pulled out a box with my ring in it and asked me to marry him.  It all seems like a dream right now, which makes me glad I am remembering.  I said yes of course and the rest is history.  Well, not quite. 
     We were going to wait until I finished my student teaching to get married.  It seemed to make the most sense.  I would have most of my school done by then and not be in danger of not finishing.  We had both discussed the possibility that children could come early on in our marriage (and Elizabeth did arrive, just one year and six weeks after our wedding date).  I didn't want to work that hard for a degree, not to finish it.  But as we made plans for the wedding it became apparent that a spring wedding wouldn't work.  I would need to go straight from student teaching to summer school, leaving us no time for a honeymoon.  And if I waited until I graduated over the summer, I would have to go straight to a teaching job, leaving no time for a honeymoon.  So, practically, a January wedding made the most sense.  Well, remember that missions conference where we talked the whole way there?  Mark was committed to helping in January, leaving the only available date for him to be our best man December 30, just one day before the end of the year...exactly as the man had said. 
     So we joined our souls together in an hour long ceremony, emphasizing the blood covenant God made with Abraham-the same covenant God made with us because of His sacrifice on the cross, hoping that all those in attendance would hear the gospel and become saved.  We even wanted our marriage ceremony to focus on God and not on us.  We told the story of God's redemption through the songs we picked, each pointing to the love He had given us, not only through each other but through Christ. I look back today and realize what a beautiful story God was telling, a story only God could write!  May He continue to write His story on our hearts, and may we give Him all the glory He is worth!