HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

We celebrated last night while the girls were at a friend's house. Our first year to not be all together. Micah and I played Scrabble with Blaine's help. We ate banana pudding, which I'm not supposed to have, nachos, and sparkling soda/champagne. Then at 9:30 we put Blaine to bed and I fell asleep on the couch while Micah watched Transformers. At 11:40 the girls came back home, and we watched the ball drop. I could sorta see it through my blurry, sleepy eyes. We all said "Happy New Year", and I finished watching Transformers with my hubby. I don't think I missed much in that two hours I was asleep. You could pretty much get the jest of it in the last 30 minutes or so. Basically, booby lady with the lip gloss that never comes off and pure white jeans (in the desert no less) was in love with the bad actor guy who had to get this magic powder to Optimus. Optimus saved the day and everyone was happy. Now see how much time I saved myself? I guess it won't go down in history as the best celebrated New Year's Eve, but neither will any of the other celebrations this month.

I have to whine here a little. You see, I am now 36 weeks as of today, and I am ready for this baby. Yesterday a nurse at the dietician's office asked me what my labor plan was. I looked at her blankly and replied, "To get the baby out." I didn't know what she meant. Did she mean "I want an epidural or I want to experience as much pain as humanly possible?" What did she mean? I couldn't figure it out. Finally, she clarified that she wanted to know if a specific date was set. Oh, in that case "no"; my doctor prefers to wait until I am completely miserable and cannot get out of bed. How's that for an answer?

Now I must clarify all this whining with a little praise. I am so thankful that we have not had to deal with NICU or tubes for baby, heart monitors and the like. I am so thankful that God has spared us all of that. And if I make it to next Friday she will be completely full-term, which I fully expect because everyone is praying for that.

My next whine I hope no one will really perceive it as such. It's really just how I feel. And while everything can be right in the world, with a beautiful baby growing inside we still have feelings. I can't help that. Believe me, I've tried. Things are just hard. It's hard for both of us. Christmas came and went with what seemed like little tradition or connectivity. I was here. I see the pictures of me sitting on the couch, but my heart wasn't in it. I opened presents, said thank you and genuinely felt excited about a few things. But, all I really wanted for Christmas was a baby. I can't help it. It is all I think about.

Then we had our anniversary. It was the floppiest year ever for an anniversary. We have been married for 14 wonderful years, and that is what I had to focus on. I have the most wonderful husband in all of history by my side. The wonderful times we have had together outnumber all of life's miseries. For 13 years we have done something special on our anniversary, without fail. The only other year we didn't is when I was pregnant with Elizabeth. Actually, if anyone hasn't noticed Elizabeth and Abigail's due date is only one week apart. So I was just as miserably pregnant back then as I am now. Anyway, for our anniversary my mom watched the kids while we went on a much needed date. We went to La Madeleine's, drove around, and walked through Half Price Books for 20 minutes. It wasn't even actually our anniversary. It was the day before. Micah thought he'd have to work late on our anniversary. We had a great time. I just wish we could have been in a bed and breakfast somewhere. We had a nice, long 3 hour date. My husband was exhausted the last hour. It was difficult for me to sit at the table because the baby is so squished against my legs I have to sit up completely straight or lean back a little to actually sit. Or, I have to sit with my legs completely apart so that the baby can fit between my lap. It is difficult to then lean forward to eat in such a matter. I think I am more disappointed in myself instead of the situation. I didn't even write him a card or a letter. I didn't buy him anything because I didn't think of it. What a loser.

And now in the background Regis and Kathy Lee are sharing a story of a beautiful mom who died from cervical cancer at 34. My life isn't so bad. I just miss life being normal like it used to be. I miss it so very much, and I look forward to this year and all it's celebrations, hoping they will be better.