The Enemy of Our Souls

Here's a post just for Tammie. I wanted to comment on her blog but then it just came out all weird. So I decided to spend some time on it here because it's exactly what I have been going through.

"You should clean,
your kids aren't doing their chores,
or enough school (we schooled until 5 yesterday),
they don't know anything,
you're doing TOO much school,
you should paint the walls,
your house is a mess,
you don't even have groceries planned out,
you spend too much money,
what do I do next???,
I'm so confused,
I can't even find a pencil,
or figure out a schedule for school,
you should have already mailed those packages a week ago,
you don't even have all the supplies you need,
loser,
I'm overwhelmed,
am I doing this right?,
I should play with Abby more".
These are all the thoughts and feelings I've been struggling with all week. And you know what? I believed it. This post is going to be a little preachy because I am fed up with the devil. And the anger you hear is directed at such a loser. I am not the loser.

So I will try to keep it short. It is the enemy of our souls who is prowling around like a lion seeking whom he can devour. He is telling us all these lies about ourselves. And that's just it. They are lies. Let me clarify. It is true that I need a schedule and I do need supplies, but it is NOT true that I am a loser because of it. Nor can I possibly get all the things done I think I should. God is real and true and good and because of HIM, not me, we will get to the end of this homeschooling road and see a beautiful success. Believe me. I have been in the thick of it.

It took another friend to help me see that it was the devil talking to me. Because the truth of it is that Tammie, your house is beautiful. If it weren't for kids I'd have sandwiches or cheese and crackers every night. I'm sure there were lots of nights that Jesus didn't cook a fancy dinner. And you ARE overwhelmed at work. You are stressed and need to take a load off at home. We do need to exercise, but we shouldn't beat ourselves up about it. The same friend is always encouraging me to just do 15 minutes of whatever it is that needs to be done. She says, "Just walk for 10 or 15 minutes. That's all you need, and it doesn't have to be every day. Just try 3 times a week. Just draw for 15 minutes, Tania. Just put all the junk in a basket and put it away for 15 minutes." I'm hoping this is helping and not just adding on piles of more guilt. Sometimes we need to hear new ideas or give ourselves permission to not do something. And sometimes we need to tell ourselves to just do whatever is bugging us for 15 minutes.

After having this realization this week I feel so much more aware. Not that I still haven't struggled with feeling overwhelmed, because I have! But it sounds like the enemy could be distracting both of us from finding that peace and rest that we so desperately need!

Another friend told me something cute this week. She homeschools, too. When her kids were little she'd always shake her head and say, "we're so behind. we're so behind. But, we're behind Jesus!". And if you knew her you'd know she really was. Now, her kids tell her that when she gets stressed that they are behind. Her point was to seek first the kingdom of God. And I realized that if I do that first every day (read His Word and pray) that NOTHING else matters in the whole day, it's all behind Jesus. I can rest assured that my to-do list of 1000 things can just wait and it's all in His hands if I place it there every morning. Now I take 10 or 15 minutes every day and read and pray. When I'm done I have so much peace that the most important thing has happened for the whole day.

So, I pass that on for what it's worth. I hope it brings you some courage to kick a little bootie!

And here's a quote that I have clung to for the past couple of days:

"God wants us to move through this day with a quiet heart & peaceful certainty that our lives are in His hands." Roy Lessin

Well, it sounded better for my situation, but maybe it'll help. I've also been writing scripture in my journal every day to help me focus on God's Word so that all the other voices will fade away. And I'd really like to hang more scripture around my house to help me remember His promises. BUT! I'm not going to feel guilty about it!