Answered Prayer

Thank you all for your prayers and comments. I really appreciate you being willing to give me advice. I know that can be just as humbling as asking for help.


So...here is what happened. I prayed a lot! I kept feeling I should let them know I felt lonely and would appreciate them spending time with me when time allowed. Anyway, I was pretty emotional as you may have gathered and just down right hurt. I know how much our minds can play tricks on us, and mine was rolling with all kinds of hurtful thoughts. "They've forgotten about you", "don't need you", etc, etc. I met with my prayer partners to pray on Monday night and brought it up to them. One of them said, "You can't expect the other person to know what you need. You have to tell them." I felt like the Holy Spirit was gently urging me to do this even though I didn't want to. I realized I have never felt more loved than when my friends say, "It would really mean a lot to me if you could ......, but I completely understand if you can't." I knew it would at least make me feel better to say that I had needs. I figured at that point if they didn't do anything or respond in any kind of way then I would need to pull out the "What have I done to offend you" card.

So...from all of your comments and prayer these were the factors leading me to my decision:
1)These have been my friends for 14, 7 and 6 years. I just couldn't toss those in the trash. I knew it was worth working on because we have been together through thick and thin.
2) I felt extremely hurt. I knew this was an indication that I needed to get this out and talk about it, not just ignore it. Doing so would completely ruin the friendship.
3) I knew if my friends had needs that I could meet I would want them to send me an email letting me know. If they didn't tell me and remained angry and hurt I would be upset with them.


Well, I can tell you at first it went from bad to worse. But I can give no one credit for this but the enemy of our souls. I met one of the friends somewhere, and she got there just as we were leaving. I left in a puddle of tears, but that was the straw that broke the camels back. After that I knew I couldn't go on living like this. I had to do something. Of course I had been praying this whole time and had my prayer team praying with me. I knew God would direct me.


So I did it. I composed a prayerfully concise and to the point email. I opened my heart bare and let them know how much I loved and appreciated them supporting me in different ways while I was pregnant and on bed rest. I then told them that I knew they were really busy but that I missed them dearly and needed them to call me, invite me over, do things with me, drop by my house, etc whenever it was possible. I also told them I was leaving for the day but I would really appreciate a phone call from them. I was so proud of myself yet I was under the chair! I was afraid they would never speak to me again! But....as Sarah said I thought the best of my friends as I would want them to do for me.


By 9 that morning one of them called me. All I could do was cry. The other one called me that afternoon, and the third contacted me shortly later. One friend said she thought I wanted space and she just felt HORRIBLE that she hadn't been asking me to do things. So she shot out a list of things we could do together and actually went on a walk with me that day. The other friend has called many times and even come over to talk about gardening and stuff that we used to talk about together. I was just so giddy with excitement! I felt so loved that they would immediately reach out to me. She apologized for calling so much, but inside I was shouting, "This is what I missed!" I am a people person and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE people!!!


So I learned from the whole thing that I need to speak up sooner. While hormones and other factors may be affecting how I feel, I still have needs and need to let others know. I cannot believe I allowed myself to feel that way for three whole months. Now I feel completely ridiculous for not doing it sooner. However, I am so thankful that God allowed me to go through this so that I can always remember to not assume the worst and to let people know I have needs. While this is humbling this is what true friendship is about. My friends made sure to let me know that. Thank you all for your prayers and support during my roller coaster of emotions.