Missing Friends

Here is a copy of an email I sent to a friend. I hesitate to share it because I don't want to evoke a pity party. I just need to share how I'm feeling because it's such a big part of what I'm going through. By sharing it, this is a big step in me helping myself admit that I need people and that things will be okay.

I am sure there are a lot of hormones raging in my body, add a lack of sleep for two months, and you have a brew that's ready to boil over. But it's that lovely new mommy brew and I'm learning to love it. I have really enjoyed that little girl.

God has blessed me with soooo many friends, my cup is overflowing. I am just going through a weird stage right now where I don't always get to spend time with those friends. Most people are planning trips, going to classes, and have their hands in lots of outside activities. I'm of course not able to do much of that right now, so that means I kind of miss out on the fellowship. And with as much as I need to connect with people that's like taking water from a sponge. I have also realized that when my kiddos were younger, friends just naturally gathered together so that our kids could play. That doesn't happen so much anymore, except park day of course! And somehow that is a little more difficult than just going to someones house. But as she gets older I will be able to enjoy it more and more. Things are just really different than when my kids were young, and I'm learning to accept that. But somehow I need to find a balance between accepting and doing something about it.

I am learning I need to pray more about these issues instead of just ignoring them or explaining them away. Also, I need to grow in the confidence of asking friends to do things. I often don't like calling friends or asking them to do things because I don't want to be a bother. Sometimes I just forget. And I think I'm a little afraid of rejection. But I really need to get over this. A friend encouraged me to pray that God would send me the relationships He wants me to invest in that would be good for me and a blessing the other way around.

I realize I probably need to connect with other women going through the same stage of life as me. You know, the new mommy stage. I need to know someone else can't sleep all night long and only cares to talk about diaper rash. And thankfully I do have at least one good friend I can do that with. Unfortunately, she lives on the other side of town. Somehow it soothes the soul to be around people going through the same things. I was actually blessed to spend time with her yesterday. Oh, it was so refreshing!

Another big adjustment is that this time around I'm the only one in the family with a baby. That has never happened before. I am so blessed to have shared all the past pregnancies with either Jenny, Amy or Christy. This time around I'm all by myself and it's quite strange. In a way it magnifies how I feel.

So that's me in not so small a nutshell. I'm doing well and God has sent many opportunities even this week to be with people I love. I'm just needing to continue to trust, hang on, and make a few phone calls.